I used to look like a model, I loved showing my body because of self esteem issues, mixing it with bb fetish. I’m mid 20s now and barely get boners during session anymore. Barely afford rent in this city, and the domme I like is a PhD and full J.D lawyer during the day. She gives me the glare face during session like I’m not good enough for her last 2 years(saw her since 19). She gets lot of clients around her age, men late 40s early 50s with lots of tips and gifts, guess that’s how men afford $500 an hour sessions, but showing my tiny paycheque to her wouldn’t make things any better, probably see me as useless in society, I barely afford food after rent and often eat from nasty expired canned soups and artificial ingredients packaged food from a local community center since they’re given free. How else I buy decent clothes and social activity with friends? I always get half hour of bb to treat myself every 4 - 7 months. I’d probably “off” myself in substances if I didn’t have this fetish to look forward to, there is always a bridge on my way to work... Last time I saw her, she said “girls earning more than you are dime a dozen, you need to make yourself useful to my time”, probably because I haven’t tipped her in ages to humiliate my genuine worth. It’s actually very normal for boys to earn significant less than girls these days. Much as 50-70% less in some areas. If I did earn more, society probably use the “patriarchy” guilt line to force me into giving up my disposable income and life savings, wonder how’d it be when women are regularly voted as presidents.

It’s World Suicide Prevention day, thought to air this out like a counselling meeting, (I do have counselling with a social worker every 5-8 months, she’s usually fully booked. I wouldn’t want anyone in real life to know my personal story. I don’t know whether it’s being used as sex meat during teens(I fully enjoyed it) between bb, bad diet or twisted brain wiring after brutality by females bare foot that I’m feeling this way after seeing the thread.

This stings differently than the few genuine humiliations from bb gone wrong during teens (puking, crying, being seen in public - after noises behind a rural house or forestry, felt almost like a heart attack by the soccer girl - heard stories of boys going in weeks long coma or died according to news articles, a lost testicle would had been last concern as I was having blurry darken visuals and legs muscles kept twitching and couldn’t stand up, they could see my bare thighs twitching the inner muscles. Then there goes puking my guts out for nearly an hour while soccer girl and her adult lady friend watches. Once had people laughing at me and ranking my social status once they find out I spread my legs for bb). I heard some people had organs effected by burst of blood while liver, guts or kidneys were bending and twisting in odd ways because testicles are visceral organs sharing the same nervous system and direct path to closest internal system, before hitting the brain. Broken internal hidden sex parts, kidney and liver problems, lung functiions, even brain destruction when blood supply gets cut off for too long after a brutal kick that some ball busters truly enjoyed doing. It makes me Genuinely scared but I truly liked spreading my legs for women and girls.

How does everyone else afford living in my area .. Not only that but the judgement and genuine denigration when I’m trying my best. This is different than anything else I felt like I’m always wrong no matter what and each comes with threats of kicking me out of society after they’re done with social humiliations. Good thing I live alone being fostered since 13 and my foster guardian doesn’t know, knowing would make it much worse.

Regarding the bb videos. I would had 100% agreed to film with masks on if I was a teen and one of the 2 women or 6 girls asked to film, mask, full nudity and full boner. Not so much today, I couldn’t get a boner up early session and I don’t have self esteem on camera. Even if I did, I’d feel used and tossed away after she gets what she wants. It doesn’t feel the same anymore.