So, had an interesting experience. Had been texting with a Domme on SextPanther. She’s been around for a long time, very established. She lives on West Coast. I live in FL. She says she’s coming to FL for an event. I book a session. Give $100 deposit. 48 hours before she emails that she is looking forward to the session, asks me to email back and email again day of session and provide a phone #. I do all that. Crickets. Never hear back. Day of I’m getting suspicious but I drive up to the city she claims she booked a dungeon in, I have no specific address. Never hear from her, no response to multiple emails. She’s posting on Twitter and OF how much fun she’s having in FL, so I know it’s not like an emergency.

It’s so strange to me, like why go through all that trouble for $100. Plus if she just emailed and said I screwed up my calendar, the dungeon cancelled, whatever, I would have said no worries. If it was some fly by night, I’d be less surprised but this is a well established Domme

I’m debating sending one more email just saying how disappointed I am that she would take a deposit and ghost with no explanation. But I think I’ll just walk away from it. The desire to flame throw is strong, but I think foolish. The cynic in me wonders if she asked for my # in her last email just so she’d be able to identify me.

Anyway, mostly venting. Though I think it will be a long time before I see anyone new after this. On a random side note, since I had already driven up I googled strip clubs near me and wandered into the strangest club I have ever been in. So, I guess for my $100 I got an entertaining strange hour in a strip club and an amusing story.

I would send a respectful email asking for your deposit back. No emotion, and don't bother asking why, although she may give you a reason to satisfy your curiosity.

+1

Agreed. This is a reasonable initial response to the situation. You can pull out the bigger guns later if necessary.

No professional will risk reputational damage for only $100.

You've got it entirely backwards. It's the late cancelations and no shows on the part of guys who schedule and don't show up that created the need to deposits. Those outnumber ghosting Dommes many, many times over.

That especially true for Dommes who travel, pay for transportation, hotels, then get cancelations and no shows.

Taking your post at face value;

"Just walk away", what is wrong with you? You entered a business transaction, she did not deliver. Send her a business professional email requesting an explanation or refund. Give it a week or so and if she doesn't rectify the situation THEN post here. No whining, crying, flaming, emotional outbursts, doxxing, simply name the individual that stole your money.

I've had more than my share of problems with the "pros", I've even had to walk away from my deposit. But never had one steal from me, if I had it would certainly be made known as a courtesy to anyone else considering said provider.

Go to the police when all you know is a fictitious scene name and an anonymous email address? And she's not local. For $100?

That will get you nowhere except to inform law enforcement that you are one of those kinky BDSM freaks. They'll laugh you out of the station.

But if humiliation is your kink that would make a good scene.

With you leading the charge to enact this sea change in the industry I'm sure it will succeed.

Joking.

After you get that done, why don't you lead the effort to get a substantial reduction in session rates. That has an equal chance of success.

Maybe if clients don't want to pay a deposit they should learn how to establish their own positive reputation and/or how to present their self as legitimate.

Of the last dozen or so Dommes I've played with, I've been asked for a deposit by two.

Did the ones you did not have give a deposit to ask for references?

I've avoided deposits several times that way.