Absolutely. And many times you have a clue ahead of time what the bottom will need given the planned play. But sometimes I am blindsided by how deep people can go with what I consider very moderate play. I almost hate to say it, but I find giving prolonged aftercare to be tedious. In group lifestyle play I hand my used up bottoms to someone else to nurture. It's a buzz kill for me when I am amped up and just want to keep playing. But sessions of course a different.

So true, jack. It's just a bit irritating to end a session with enough time for an unrushed goodbye and realize the guy is unable to drive. Or you can't get him out of the shower because he is in a stupor in there. Sometimes I think the guys are blindsided by it, which I understand but other times, they admit that it's normal for them. "Hey, buddy, I have a dinner reservation. I wish you had let Me know." Because I am not going to put someone behind the wheel or on the corner waiting on an Uber like that.

And personally this is just as apt to happen with sensory deprivation as it is maso activities. With the masos I can see them going to that special place. With sensory dep, you don't know until the hood comes off.

We've brought a couple around with a spray of alcohol haven't we Girlfriend?

Aftercare is nice but not essential with me and tbh i would answer no to your question if it was coming out of the session time. It has been normal in my experience to talk some with the Domme after the session while I am getting dressed. Even though I enjoy that I don’t want to be the guy who won’t leave until told to get moving.

I used to ask this quest on my web form but took it off because I tended to get two kind of responses:

1. I don't need any.
2. I want to cuddle and kiss afterward.

I decided that I would instead ask when I spoke to them, which allowed me to clarify what I could or could not provide in real time.



I always provide basic "aftercare". Sit and come back to reality, chat a bit, hydrate, assess if I think they are OK to leave and drive.

I think I'm old school in that I like when the sub send an email of thanks afterward. That's my aftercare.

+1

Reading this thread I had aftercare as a session. Let me explain. I saw a famous Amazonian Mistress whose name I won't mention, around a decade ago when she'd travel to NYC once a year. I probably saw her four times and she was/is professional, courteous, gorgeous and loves what she does. Since she would visit here annually I'd make an appointment as soon as she would post a trip, usually a month in advance. For this session I emailed that I'd like to finally experience my first strapon session.

When the day of the session arrived, on a weekend, I was experiencing a career and personal crisis. I should have cancelled the session, but didn't have the nerve to disappoint her. I went to her hotel, we met in the lobby and she took me to her suite, where told me to change into my attire in the sitting room while she would change in the bedroom. As I got ready I got more and more depressed about my real life... I got cold feet. Not so much about the strapon activity, but my emotions.

The Mistress came in and saw my distress. I told her I couldn't do it and offered my tribute. She told me, "Don't go. I'll change and be right back." She came back in wearing a long robe, began lying down on a daybed in the sitting room and told me to sit next to her on the floor. She asked me what was wrong and I told her everything. She gave me good advice. Tears came to my eyes. She sat down to me, put her arm around me and held me, rocking me back and forth, comforting me.

When the hour was up I freshened up, got dressed and was about to go. At the door she gave me a big smile and hug, told me everything was going to be fine, and to text or email her in the next day or to check in. I left there feeling incredibly better with a new outlook on the issues I was facing. I'll never forget it or thank her enough.

Another lady I met through BDSM and roleplay (She really wasn't a Mistress) once said to me, "You have no idea the kind of shit I've heard over the years from clients that I HAVE to deal with afterwards." Yes... an email of thanks afterwards to the Mistress. That's without question.

That's lovely, jb. I would say that's not "aftercare" as much as it's just care!

I think so, too, but half the time I don't get one.

I think that when someone sees it as purely "transactional", devoid of the cultural elements of FemDom, whether due to apathy or ignorance, I'm less likely to receive a message.

I try to tell young or non-scene folx that it's good etiquette, even if you've offered your gratitude in person. Some of us, especially old school types, like little formalities like that.