My relationship with Mistress is complex and it occurred to me that it is not easily described. We have a real relationship. She is always in charge and i am always under her control and working in her interest. but over time we have become more than merely dome and sub. there is something more at play and I can't find the right word for it. We have something of a symbiotic relationship but that word does not quite do it. Does anyone have some thoughts on this? Give me a word to describe this more complex "friendship" that has a dominant/submissive basis to it. Thanks.

Votary

I doubt there's a single word that describes this. For me, I don't use terms like "friends" if the relationship is still transactional at its heart -- partly because I don't think real friendships are transactional, and partly because I think using such terms can set expectations in the sub's mind that are more fantasy-based and can lead to uncomfortable situations or disappointment. That isn't a put-down on transactional domme/sub relationships -- I LOVE them, otherwise I wouldn't be here on a pro domination board -- but I think it's important to stay clear-headed on the relationships.

The problem with "votary" is that it only describes the sub's position not the relationship. I certainly am a votary of Mistress but she sees our relationship as something two way in some sense; not giving up her superior and commanding position but not merely a transactional one. We have many times together where there is no financial exchange but rather service by me. this of course is also providing something of value but it is not merely transactional. We are totally honest with one another and there is a level of trust that is different than anything I have had with another domme. this is hard to describe . . .

Hello bujold. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your Mistress. The general term of Domme/sub is complex in itself. It doesn't just refer to a professional D/s situation. It also refers to lifestyle relationships (that never had an exchange of money or goods) and everything in between. Trying to put a label on your relationship would be like trying to define a specific shade of gray.

To embellish based on the fact that you said the relationship isn't completely transactional:

I can tell that for my mistress -- I'm devoted to her 24/7 and our relationship is no longer transactional at all -- there's definitely not a single word. When she introduces me, she simply does so as her best friend (which makes me melt). In reality, I'd say that I am, probably not in the right order, her slave, friend, mentor, and worshipper. There's just no single word that does a decent job at covering all of those, imo:

slave: self explanatory, I'm her 24/7 slave. We live at a distance so most of the time it's long-distance slavery, but once a month, it's 3-4 days straight in person
friend: in every sense of the word, I'm the person she shares her triumps with, looks to for support, and loves to spend time with
mentor: I'm a couple of decades older than her, and the person she looks to to help guide her and coach her through life, for feedback on important decisions, etc
worshipper: maybe not the right word, but aside from the slavery aspect, I do truly worship her -- in a figurative sense -- and it's such a powerful and important part of the relationship, it's worth mentioning

Anyway, I can't see how to get that all across in one word

She is lucky to have such devotion!