My fiance has been wonderful in accepting my secret life of fetish and submission. It is a blessing that she has been more than tolerant but taken an active interest. Now she is asking me to top her. I hate to say it but it is a total turn off. Have you ever had to go through the motions to make your lady happy? One of the Dommes I session with told me to look at it as pleasing her. I feel selfish being so disgusted with at the thought.

Yes.

My ex-gf was really into being a kinky sub.

I knew all of the buttons to push ("what would I like in her position right about now?" LOL ), she had a great time, but I was bored.

I’ve been a switch, due to my role play and the age of the domina. I was early 40s, she was in her mid to late 20s. The “junglebeast” saved the jungle Princess who was kidnapped. (She started out in rope bondage.) Halfway through the scene the Princess began to seduce the beast, knowing he was a kinkster. It worked.

I also had a similar set up around the same time with me being the newly divorced stepfather. His ex-stepdaughter visits to comfort him wearing one of her Mom’s old dresses. He spanks her but halfway through she begins to seduce him and dominating, knowing, again, he’s a kinkster.

We had fun. It was around 2000. At that time I didn’t know what a “switch” was. LOL!

Several times. I am a switch and 20-25 years ago my top side was stronger than my bottom. In the last decade the reverse has been true.

Slightly off topic, over the years I have heard from more than a couple of Mistresses that they either were subs when they decided to go pro or were trained as a sub by the Head Mistress before they did their first sessions as Dominas. All of them said that training gave them more insight into the scene as a Mistress.

I remember reading a blog post written by the submissive client of a switch. She ordered him to spank her during a session, which made him tremendously uncomfortable -- which was her goal. Incredible mindfuck, I respect it. But totally different than what you're discussing here.

I agree with your domme's advice -- try to reframe the activity as an act of service.

Yep ive done it a fair amount over the years. it’s definitely not my style most of the time. I enjoyed taking control but im more of a bottom by nature

Like you, I always felt a little uncomfortable but gave it a good effort to make her happy.

I can handle taking control and telling someone what to do but one woman i was dating really enjoyed being degraded. I have to admit i struggled with the one.

That is the issue I'm having with it. A little spanking or being dominant in vanilla sex is fine with me. It is the degradation part. When it comes to worshiping a sexy pair of feet and legs, I feel honored. Not degraded. But when my my fiance suggests that she worship or even rub mine, it a total turn off. I'm embarrassed for her. That is hypocritical thinking. Eroticism doesn't always make sense. When the time is right I will talk to her. She's still finding her way with bdsm.

It is humorous who much us male subs learn about topping in a session. LOL.

The Junglebeast and Princess role play has piqued my interest. That would be a hot time, especially if she begins showing how powerful she actually is over the strong beast.