I've had a 1st session with several Dommes in recent years and while most were very good it occurs to me that almost all were a little lacking in intensity when it comes to corporal punishment and other forms of discipline. Do you think Dommes are reluctant to play too hard in terms of CP or other forms of discipline the first time out? I imagine they experience many subs asking for too much in the excitement that proceeds a sessions and then wimping out.

I also find it hard to describe pain clearly and convey what levels are a limit. I've tried using a 1-10 scale for CP where 10 is open wounds from a singletail or a prison type caning and 1 is a slap and tickle sort of symbolic thing. I usually say that I'm around a 7-8 where redness and stripes/bruising that last a week or so are fine but rarely seem to get that in a 1st session. It seems much harder to accurately explain levels for predicament bondage discomfort, CBT or electroplay.

Any ideas for better communication?

I think you're communicating effectively.

During session, if the "warm up" strikes are taking to long you can say something like "Mistress/Goddess/etc I can take more for you." or something to that effect.

For me, it depends on exactly what they are asking for, my assessment of them, and if they have references. If they asking for an intense beatdown and their references say they can take a lot and are safe to play with I feel more comfortable. The reason is that when I don't know someone, I don't know how they will actually react to that type of play. Will they go to LE and say you assaulted them? I don't want to even have to deal potentially having to defend myself in court.

It's possible that if it's a less experienced Domme that she's just timid.



That sounds reasonable. An experienced Domme should be able to figure out where your thresholds are, too.



It sounds like you're saying the right things. Maybe just emphasize that you like it intense and ask her if she conducts those types of scenes and is willing to do one like that with you.

Agreed.

It does not seem a problems of communication, you certainly do it more effectively than me, but maybe a problem of expectations.

After all a first session is mostly about establishing trust, both ways. My seven could be somebody else's 4 or 10, and it is understandable that a mistress is cautious before she knows you.

Personally most first time session experiences were like yours, but on occasion I had mistresses trying to break me when I did not ask for it.

The best mistress I knew, and I met her when she was at the top of her game, did not ask me at all, she tested me, very efficiently and speedily starting very gently and reaching the perfect level.

However that was a singular experience and I do not expect it to be repeated.