Yes! Masochist is the word i was looking for. Thank you!

It’s an strange feeling i want someone to be nice to me while they are beating me. I am often laughing during a session and want them to laugh and smile with me. That doesnt tie into traditional femdom

It’s a pretty extreme level of beating, bruising and swelling, full force punches, kicks, slaps

Ive always had a very high pain tolerance when it comes to physical activity. Weight lifting, competitive marathon running etc. and i wonder if there is an overlap in my brain that enjoys the high.