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#15957 - 09/29/21 07:35 AM Is this BDSM or Abuse?
Cheyenne Online   content

Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2303
Here is an interesting story. A famous base ball player was hooking up with a woman who was into aspects of bdsm, including being choked out and being slapped in the face. After the second hook up, she left with two black eyes and ended up in the hospital. She claims he was punching her and had anal sex with her while she was unconscious. Apparently, another woman had gotten a restraining order on him after a similar experience. He has a text from her stating that she asked him for "All of the pain." It is court now. This article contains more details. What is your take on the situation?

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#15958 - 09/29/21 08:49 AM Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse? [Re: Cheyenne]
MissMary Offline
Regular

Registered: 04/27/21
Posts: 147
I'm not excusing the Trevor's behavior. But, what the hell was the woman thinking? Negotiate your scenes and choose partners with self responsibility.

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#15960 - 09/29/21 01:38 PM Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse? [Re: Cheyenne]
Dr. Pleasure Online   content
Member

Registered: 05/15/16
Posts: 22
Loc: New York, NY
Anal sex while she was asleep? Sounds like rape to me.

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#15961 - 09/29/21 01:48 PM Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse? [Re: Dr. Pleasure]
Cheyenne Online   content

Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2303
If I read the article correctly, she wasn't just sleeping. She had been rendered unconscious. (This according to her side of the story.) The man's defense is that he removed his penis from her ass when she woke up and asked him to.

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#15962 - 09/29/21 01:49 PM Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse? [Re: MissMary]
Cheyenne Online   content

Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2303
Yes, she was careless in playing someone at such a level that she didn't know. She delivered herself to that. But, it still doesn't make what he allegedly did right.

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#15963 - 09/30/21 01:48 AM Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse? [Re: Cheyenne]
TedBCruisin Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 03/31/21
Posts: 226
I've been keeping up on this. It has the look of consensual bdsm gone too far. Trevor Bauer's suspension over an encounter in his personal sex life went too far, in my book. This should have been handled as a private matter.

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#15967 - 09/30/21 10:35 PM Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse? [Re: Cheyenne]
buffalo Online   content
Enthusiast

Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 369
Loc: USA
I knew Trevor Bauer was suspended but hadn’t paid any attention to the circumstances until reading about it here and reading the article. It’s definitely an interesting situation involving bdsm , consent and what is legal. It’s definitely not a black and white thing and more a blurred line.

Obviously consent can be given and then withdrawn and I think that is more clear in vanilla sex. With bdsm it’s a greyer area. There’s SSC RACK and then more complicated consensual non consent. I think a Pro Domme is going to be more aware of this then amateurs playing in a private setting especially if they are not regular partners.

In the Bauer case I am going back and forth about whether it’s bdsm or abuse. There’s arguments that can be made for each. My feeling is that with everything I’ve read there’s not enough for a criminal conviction. More possibly is a successful civil suit. The other woman in the past with similar allegations makes me think Bauer is taking advantage and crossing the line into abuse. This has gotten publicity because it’s a high profile professional athlete but I’d imagine the same issues come into play in other peoples private bdsm play as well.
_________________________
And still trying to figure it all out.................. buffalo

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#15968 - 10/01/21 02:49 AM Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse? [Re: TedBCruisin]
MsRoseWoods Online   content

Enthusiast

Registered: 06/17/19
Posts: 283
Are you mad? If this bozo wasn't a sports god, there'd be a lynch mod assembling in his front yard. What we have here is a simple case of assault, sodomy, and rape.

I have a close friend who works as a pro sub in the city. Just like a Domme, she has limits and boundaries.

This worthless piece of dog shit should not only never play baseball again, he should never see the outside of a prison cell.
_________________________
Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

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#15969 - 10/01/21 04:44 AM Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse? [Re: Cheyenne]
furfan Online   content
Addict

Registered: 01/20/21
Posts: 411
It certainly seems like this crossed the line. If not legally than in the context of acceptable play behavior. Although, as in most he said/she said situations, it's almost impossible to know for sure.

I think that this quote from one of the BDSM experts in the article really seemed to sum up the pair of them.....

“In the BDSM world, you would not want to be playing with … well, either of them, frankly.”

If nothing else this situation serves as a reminder that the more intense or advanced the play, the more critical it is to have clear and detailed negotiations about specific activities and limits before hand.

In BDSM play "go slow and get to know your partner" is always great advice. I have dabbled in the past with CNC play but it was always in the context of a committed long term relationship or with a well established Pro Domme with a sterling reputation.

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#15971 - 10/01/21 03:00 PM Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse? [Re: MsRoseWoods]
TedBCruisin Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 03/31/21
Posts: 226
No, I'm not mad. The man might be a piece of shit for all I know. It reads like a poorly planned bdsm encounter gone wrong. What I don't like is the call to judgement before facts are known.

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