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#15957 - 09/29/21 07:35 AM
Is this BDSM or Abuse?
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2303
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Here is an interesting story. A famous base ball player was hooking up with a woman who was into aspects of bdsm, including being choked out and being slapped in the face. After the second hook up, she left with two black eyes and ended up in the hospital. She claims he was punching her and had anal sex with her while she was unconscious. Apparently, another woman had gotten a restraining order on him after a similar experience. He has a text from her stating that she asked him for "All of the pain." It is court now. This article contains more details. What is your take on the situation?
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#15958 - 09/29/21 08:49 AM
Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse?
[Re: Cheyenne]
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Regular
Registered: 04/27/21
Posts: 147
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I'm not excusing the Trevor's behavior. But, what the hell was the woman thinking? Negotiate your scenes and choose partners with self responsibility.
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#15960 - 09/29/21 01:38 PM
Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse?
[Re: Cheyenne]
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Member
Registered: 05/15/16
Posts: 22
Loc: New York, NY
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Anal sex while she was asleep? Sounds like rape to me.
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#15961 - 09/29/21 01:48 PM
Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse?
[Re: Dr. Pleasure]
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2303
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If I read the article correctly, she wasn't just sleeping. She had been rendered unconscious. (This according to her side of the story.) The man's defense is that he removed his penis from her ass when she woke up and asked him to.
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#15962 - 09/29/21 01:49 PM
Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse?
[Re: MissMary]
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2303
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Yes, she was careless in playing someone at such a level that she didn't know. She delivered herself to that. But, it still doesn't make what he allegedly did right.
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#15967 - 09/30/21 10:35 PM
Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse?
[Re: Cheyenne]
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Enthusiast
Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 369
Loc: USA
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I knew Trevor Bauer was suspended but hadn’t paid any attention to the circumstances until reading about it here and reading the article. It’s definitely an interesting situation involving bdsm , consent and what is legal. It’s definitely not a black and white thing and more a blurred line.
Obviously consent can be given and then withdrawn and I think that is more clear in vanilla sex. With bdsm it’s a greyer area. There’s SSC RACK and then more complicated consensual non consent. I think a Pro Domme is going to be more aware of this then amateurs playing in a private setting especially if they are not regular partners.
In the Bauer case I am going back and forth about whether it’s bdsm or abuse. There’s arguments that can be made for each. My feeling is that with everything I’ve read there’s not enough for a criminal conviction. More possibly is a successful civil suit. The other woman in the past with similar allegations makes me think Bauer is taking advantage and crossing the line into abuse. This has gotten publicity because it’s a high profile professional athlete but I’d imagine the same issues come into play in other peoples private bdsm play as well.
_________________________
And still trying to figure it all out.................. buffalo
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#15968 - 10/01/21 02:49 AM
Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse?
[Re: TedBCruisin]
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Enthusiast
Registered: 06/17/19
Posts: 283
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Are you mad? If this bozo wasn't a sports god, there'd be a lynch mod assembling in his front yard. What we have here is a simple case of assault, sodomy, and rape.
I have a close friend who works as a pro sub in the city. Just like a Domme, she has limits and boundaries.
This worthless piece of dog shit should not only never play baseball again, he should never see the outside of a prison cell.
_________________________
Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
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#15969 - 10/01/21 04:44 AM
Re: Is this BDSM or Abuse?
[Re: Cheyenne]
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Addict
Registered: 01/20/21
Posts: 411
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It certainly seems like this crossed the line. If not legally than in the context of acceptable play behavior. Although, as in most he said/she said situations, it's almost impossible to know for sure.
I think that this quote from one of the BDSM experts in the article really seemed to sum up the pair of them.....
“In the BDSM world, you would not want to be playing with … well, either of them, frankly.â€
If nothing else this situation serves as a reminder that the more intense or advanced the play, the more critical it is to have clear and detailed negotiations about specific activities and limits before hand.
In BDSM play "go slow and get to know your partner" is always great advice. I have dabbled in the past with CNC play but it was always in the context of a committed long term relationship or with a well established Pro Domme with a sterling reputation.
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