En attendant Godot

One aspect of BDSM for me has been a pursuit of some vaguely defined perfection, a pursuit of that one golden session which transcends all ephemeral experience to something lasting and divine. As subs, session by session, our limits adjust, our activities change, mood and tone fluctuate and we start planning for the next one, as if we are hoping that one day we get THE one session. Like many borderline impossible ideals, we are in pursuit of something that possibly does not even exist, it's just a trick that our mind plays, an illusory singular point of perfection in the infinite distance. The anticipation is not unlike that for Godot's in Beckett's play.

THE session

Last week I met Ms. De Luca for the 1st time. A 7 hr session, I talked about it here: here. This time we did another session, a 12 hr one, and unexpectedly I realized that it was it, it happened: THE one session had actually happened, if there is any real, material manifestation of the thing, this was it.

Doms think differently about long sessions, and well, long sessions are hard, physically and mentally challenging, etc. Ms. De Luca does enjoy long sessions though, she doesn't get bored, or apparently tired, and will keep surprising you with her creative ways. The easy way to see what a dom thinks about long sessions is to look at what the rates are for longer sessions. Seriously, just email her and ask. https://nydominatrix.com/

She is very considerate, when she talks to you before a session, she will calm you down if you are nervous. And when she wants, she can reduce you to trembling just by describing what she is planning to do. She is very charismatic, and has the most hauntingly beautiful smile ever [the beauty is on another level, you just want so see her smile it is SO good], which you will come to fear because you know the smile means you're gonna hurt, she is a true sadist. She made me not just drink every single drop of her pee, but to beg for it. Including what she brought from that morning, she will absolutely get her way with you, if that is what you seek, she will [gladly] not hesitate or let up, and if you want to be pushed, you will be pushed in ways you did not know are possible. She has a keen eye for details, nothing will be out of her radar, and the session is crafted in her image: a flawless, intricate piece of art. A baroque masterpiece culminating in a crescendo that leaves you speechless.

One of the things I liked to experience was helplessness and desperation. I see a session, as being like a roller coaster, you go to the park to check it out, you are excited about it while on the line, and then when you sit and are locked into the chair you see the twists and turns and go "wtf did I do!" but it is very late, and you can only scream it out, and there is a sense of liberation in helplessness, nothing that you can do also means you can't do wrong. And as I was restrained and gagged, I felt it, before anything else, seeing her smile was like seeing the very sharp twists of the roller coaster: I was ready to bite and scream into the ball gag. She observes you and takes delight in every twitch, groan and desperate cry. She lets you know why you are getting it as she is masterfully orchestrating the stream of pain at different points of your body. When spanking me, she was on my back, I couldn't move much, but intuitively, I got a hand to block the blow, she went for my knuckles, and that was it, that hand stayed put from then on.

If you were expecting a coherent recollection of the session, well there isn't, from my memory, that 12 hrs defies the usual sequential, ordered structure of time. I remember looking out the window, seeing it wasn't even dark yet, and thinking whoah! I'm already sore and this has only been a warmup? I remember shivering in anticipation of the clamps, looking up to see her smile as I tried to stop groaning (not that she'd have issue with it, but to save my vocal cords). And I remember very well, the things she said. Remarkable, it was just so remarkable, I feel very lucky that I got to experience this.

There are very few ways to truely experience extraordinary phenomenon, this ranks as one of them, next to experiencing zero gravity (https://www.gozerog.com/) and while that will make you marvel at how physics works as you get to test the Mach's principle, this will make you marvel at how the human mind works, and question the concept of pain, pleasure, choice and the many virtual boundaries our brain make: take drinking pee, for me, like many people, has been such a great taboo. Rational thought deducts that it is safe, and there is no inherent reason to be repulsed by it, it's an arbitrary line drawn up by human mind and when I was pushed across it, over and over and over again, I could see that this taboo line was a mere illusion and I could only wonder what other redtapes are there, that are purely virtual?

Bliss

Bliss. What came after was bliss. After the initial dizziness passed, it was a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction, and serenity, it's the next day and I just feel so at peace. This is really weird, but it is just beyond anything I've felt after any session, I really recommend this because it is just magical what it will do. As for "now that you have had THE one session, what's next?", as per previous discussion, it is not known whether THE session is in fact unique. I still have few other questions about the human brain, and my limits, and let's just say: I know exactly who can help with that