(Disclaimer: We all know that ProDoms do not offer sex.
I am referring to every day life encounters.)

An interesting observation that I've encountered in the fetish circles I hang with is that it is for a lot of people. Some people in the play scene want only bdsm sans sexual contact. Others like fetish play as foreplay to straight sex. I've seen couples break up over their levels of interest not lining up.


For me, I'm sans sexual when it comes to playing with someone that I'm not in a romantic relationship with. But in a relationship, I need both. A relationship with out both would get boring very quickly. But if I had to choose, it would be fetish. What about you? Could you be happy with just one or the other? If you and to choose which one would it be?

When I am in fetish mode, it is all I want. Sex would complicate it. If I could only have one or the other for the rest of my life, I'd have to leave fetish behind. It wouldn't make me happy. But, the element of companionship in a vanilla relationship is something that I wouldn't want to be without.

I believe in both. My biggest fetish is female orgasm as that is the ultimate sexual expression of pleasing a woman in my mind. I always want that as many times as possible during any encounter whether the context is vanilla sex, lifestyle play (as a Dom or a sub) or Pro/client (yes... It may not be on the paid menu but it sometimes does occur... But only when the Domme decides that is what She wants in that moment). This is literally the only thing I ever beg for from a Domme.

Although I prefer to be directly involved in my partner's orgasm, I am still thrilled by Her taking care of Herself while we play even without my direct involvement (i.e., my touching Her or even holding a toy for Her). Of course I would prefer penetrative sex with my cock, fingers, tongue, etc... But as long as my partner gets off, then I am awesome.

Having said that as the context for my reply, my preference is that sexual contact is not a hard limit when doing BDSM play and I feel everything should be on the menu based on whatever the Dominant partner feels at that moment. However, this is not a hard-core requirement and I can be happy with just fetish & BDSM play if I am being fulfilled in other ways or with what you termed as "straight sex" in a vanilla relationship (keeping in mind I don't believe in exclusive and monogamous relationships in either context so I can have either or both). However, if forced to choose then it would absolutely be fetish & BDSM play.

From the professional side of things, I'd have to say that most of my clients were very separate about their romance at home time and femdom play in session. I did have a few personal slaves that had failed marriages because they had no interest in a vanilla relationship at home, as much as they tried. It was sad to see.

When I was a practicing prodom, I kept the two entirely separate. No lines were crossed in either direction. But now that I've been long retired, their are no lines at home. BDSM and straight sex have merged into one. Early into my now three year relationship, my boyfriend said he wanted me to be more dominant in bed. (He was a very vanilla guy at the time.) I just cracked up. It was like an opening scene of a ClubDom movie. There was a temptation to show him some of movies to let him know exactly who he was asking this of. But, I decided not to scare him off. You know what they say about a putting a frog in a cold pan of water on a slow boil.

MHBHJ

(Not that I understand what you are talking about or anything)

If this question were asked 20 years ago on MF the site would have exploded. LOL!

In my experience doing sessions for decades, sure it can happen in one shape or form. My first session was with a legendary Mistress who was 50, I was 20 and she taught me how to orally pleasure her. A longtime Mistress of mine said to me more than a few times, “You should be thankful for the ‘gifts’ you receive from me.” I’ve had sessions with strict Dominas, escorts who do kink/domination, female bodybuilders and tantric practitioners who were dominant. It is always the domina’s choice, in my experience. It’s chemistry between the two of you. And it can rarely if ever, be planned. When a woman and a man are doing something intimate behind closed doors anything can happen. (If I write anymore I’ll just get in trouble!)

Junglebeast couldnt have said it better. My thoughts exactly

I like vanilla sex. I like BDSM. I'm particular with whom I do either.

Concur

Spark, Tristan and The Thomas... I agree with all of you.