Love... Love... Love every bit of how you go about satisfying your needs with someone who obviously is more than just a mean girl who hits you with stuff.

+1

(Only replying to this part of the OP rather than the CNC stuff)

I made this mistake once very early in my "career". Saw a few Dommes who really knew what they were doing with pain and could read my body's reactions... totally loved it (still do). Because they could do that, they really hit the edge of what I could take and even pressed me past that by asking me to "take a little more for Me, Asp" (to be clear, I never begged them to stop or said "Red" but at times did call "Yellow").

This led me to the completely false conclusion that I was a maso who loved & could take pain rather than the fact that I am a wimp (compared to real pain sluts). So, I booked a session with an amazing Domme who was a true sadist while stating all those stupid/ignorant things quoted above.

Let's just say I was quickly, forcefully and extremely professionally disabused of that notion by that wonderful Lady in the hour I visited with Her. Luckily for me, She had a lot of experience with dumbasses like myself & was willing to indulge my ridiculousness to the point of finding out if it was actually true or not... All while not going too far. She absolutely "taught me a lesson" in a way that I, and everyone I am fortunate enough to serve, will forever be grateful for.

Asp

I'd love to see you in my Dungeon this winter.

I should of posted this update months ago. I found a Domme within a reasonable drive from me that was willing to engage in no safe word play and my experience was absolutely wonderful. I booked a 2 hour session after we spent quite awhile discussing interests, limits, expectations and things like that.

She brought another person for her safety and to assist with dominating me. It started off with me being restrained and blindfolded, then a warm up for 10 or 15 minutes. After that things started to get a bit harsher and continued to intensify.

I'm not quite sure when but, maybe an hour in things started to get hard for me. I was really moving around and doing my best to avoid the blows. They started holding me down and
they increased the intensity of the beating while I sterted begging for mercy.

She started repeating my pleas for mercy in a mocking way. I could tell she was really enjoying me begging her to stop. I was reminded that I asked for it and that she had to continue so that I wouldn't be disappointed. She also asked me if I really thought pathetically begging would work.

While the pain wasn't enjoyable at the moment, I felt a sense of relief when it ended. I felt exhausted, calm, relaxed and glad it was over. I also had a sense of achievement. She never made me feel like I was in serious danger or that I would be permanently harmed.

While not booked, I have another session planned for the future. Next time there will be no warm up and I will be suspended in extremely tight bandage so she can have full access to my body. It will end up being a miserable time for me.