Sometimes I think forums like this are a form of therapy, so in that spirit, here goes.

Has anyone here ever fallen in for their Mistress?

This is not attempt to top-from-the-bottom. I am not talking about a lifestyle couple, or a live-in slave.

I am talking about a typical submissive who sessions often with a Mistress and falls for her - either in besotted lust or a combination of lust and romantic love. It is probably an impossible situation of unrequented feelings.

Has it happened to anyone? How was it resolved?

As for any of the Dominas... did you ever been attracted to one of your clients?

It almost happened to me once but the Mistress was kind. I was in deep subspace with her... she seemed attracted but kept me at arms' length emotionally (and sometimes physically) but we both knew there was an attraction. She retired, we kept in touch but... it ended.

It is a personal and impossible situation. Does anyone want to share any experiences?

I have become very close to some of my long term subs. I also have a personal slave that I consider a close friend. However I don't date My clients. I believe in the old saying "what starts in the Dungeon needs to stay in the Dungeon."

Mistress Ultra Violet

Mistress, you are a wise woman.

I think you are right Junglepet, this is likely an impossible situation. There is a pretty famous case though, Famous Domina Ilsa Strix and Larry Wachowski, director of the Matrix. The Story is here: http://lecter.org/forum/showthread.php?t=248

I imagine often the sub falls for the Domina and that the Domina gets pretty good at holding the Sub off.

In psychoanalysis there is the concept of transference where the person's intense feelings about another person are transferred to the analyst. One common form of this is erotic attraction and there all too many male analysts willing to use this phenomenon to exploit attractive female clients. (Though not all transference is erotic. For instance hostility can manifest instead)

I believe some degree of transference often occurs in subs who see a domme regularly and exclusively for an extended period. Speaking personally there were 2 dommes whom I initially regarded as only mildly attractive but after several sessions found much more attractive and in both instances realized I was experiencing transference.

A very wise statement by Mistress Ultra Violet, indeed. I have seen the results from disobeying this rule happen to others on two different occasions. It didn't end well. I think The Thomas is correct in that transference is common. That's why it soon falls apart outside of the dungeon, when the sub realizes he fell for a "real" woman, with real world problems and issues - not the fantasy Domme that could do nothing wrong.

I think boundaries are there for a reason, and they always should be respected, period. At the same time, we’re all human, and we all have human emotions that often emerge subconsciously rather than through rational choice. Interests in friendship or something more happen, and while I don’t doubt that there’s a psychological explanation sometimes, there also are times when those interests or feelings are just part of human nature. In vanilla life, it’s not that uncommon to meet someone you’re attracted to in a professional setting, even though that person might be your boss, or one or both parties are already in a committed relationship. It’s what you do with that attraction that matters.

As in any professional environment, acting out isn’t going to end well. Self-control and self-regulation are essential. They’re traits that in part separate adults from juveniles, and they’re signs of respect for self and others. So if interests in a relationship or feelings for a professional play partner emerge, one has to keep them in check. If you can’t, or those emotions are negatively affecting one's behavior or mood in or out of the dungeon, I think it’s best to break contact.

That said, it’s a fallacy to think relationships never happen when there’s mutual interest. They may be rare, but the Ilsa Strix and Lana Wachowski example certainly isn’t the only one out there. That relationship received a lot of attention (and criticism) back in the day due to the stature of both parties in their respective professions, but it wasn’t the first time boundaries were crossed by willing participants, and it also wasn’t the last.

Folks that were playing 15 years ago might remember how Ilsa Strix and Larry (Lana) Wachowski were criticized in BDSM circles (for breaking boundaries), as well as in the media for a host of reasons. Rolling Stone even did an expose’ on them that IMO denigrated and painted a woefully inaccurate picture of BDSM (and cross dressing too). Seems a lot of folks just lost sight of the fact that the Domme and sub involved were real people, and their spouses at the time were affected by all this too. All to say, I think it’s important to keep in mind that we’re all human, and we all have human emotions.

I never played with Ilsa at her LA dungeon, but I used to run into her at the Vault in NYC once in a while. She was an awesome Domme, and a BDSM pioneer in many ways, but also someone you could have a normal conversation with. I live in Chicago, where the Wachowski brothers have always had their studio, and Karin (Ilsa) and Lana (Larry) are well known in the city for their support for the LGBTQ community. They do fund raisers together, and Karin (Ilsa) is a Trustee for Chicago House, an organization that provides a variety of services for the LGBTQ community and those marginalized by gender non-conformity and HIV/AIDS. Pretty awesome stuff IMO.

Just an aside, but Lana Wachowski is a recipient of the Human Rights Campaign Visibility Award and the Freedom Award from Equality Illinois. And the other half of the Wachowski brothers team, Andy, also is transgender. She made her first public appearance as Lilly Wachowski last month at the GLAAD awards in LA.

Finally, while I can understand the appeal of the fantasy Domme who’s the epitome of perfection, I personally find it healthier and more appealing to know my play partner is a real person, with a real life outside the dungeon, even though she may be a 24/7 lifestyle Domme.

Great Message, 2 city! Thanks!

I adore My pets and allow those who serve Me properly for an extended period of time to become My personal slaves but never due I allow a client to date Me!



Empress Ming

I just finished the book "Concertina" - by Susan Winemaker. It just reconfirms everything I've ever thought about dungeon romances - doomed for failure.

https://www.amazon.com/Concertina-Loves-...susan+winemaker