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#15149 - 07/02/21 08:37 AM
The Ugliness of Outing
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2304
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It is interesting that this article just came out. Last week I found out that a well known and loved Dom had just been outed to her family by an ex boyfriend. Her family must not have taken it well because she is laying low and not even filming now. She is such a beautiful person who didn't deserve that bullsh#t. Now, there is this NY Post article, taken from Twitter, in which someone outed someone running for a city council position. The photo was taken at Parthenon. It is highly doubtful that such a long standing establishment would sabotage their own business. But, they are caught up in it too. Whether it has been matters of custody, inheritance or just spite, I've been outed more than once. It is an easy axe hanging over someone's head. Fortunately, I stood up like this political candidate did and my neighbors, family and friends did too...even the most shocked and religious of them. It is no one's business what someone does, consensually, in their private time. It should be everyone's business who a petty, vengeful snitch is. After having made it through such a rough year, I hope Parthenon, is not too damaged from this. I've never had dealings with Parthenon and have no idea what the council member stands for but I am 200% behind them on this. Have you had experiences with being outed?
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#15151 - 07/02/21 10:11 AM
Re: The Ugliness of Outing
[Re: Cheyenne]
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Enthusiast
Registered: 08/15/19
Posts: 247
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There should be a special place in hell for those that out others sexual preferences
It sounds like the guy in the nypost article is handling in a mature way and his social circle has been supportive and thats a good thing. I saw his quote of “bdsm is not something i am public about but im not embarrassed by it eitherâ€
Ive never been outed. I have domme friends who have been. Interestingly enough not for being a dominatrix but for other types of sex work. Id say for them it was a tough experience but also freeing in some ways
I do tell people about my interests in bdsm. I wouldn't care if i was outed at this point. Hell i have private videos of me that if they came out might jumpstart my sex life. But i am established now. I couldn’t always say that.
One problem i have with our community is that some people sexualize outing others. I believe that often does more harm than good. I wish there was more support on how to come out if you chose. Other groups in the LGBTQIA+ community have done a better job than us in the bdsm community.
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#15155 - 07/02/21 04:44 PM
Re: The Ugliness of Outing
[Re: Cheyenne]
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Artisan
Registered: 06/15/19
Posts: 70
Loc: New York
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Unfortunately, Parthenon didn't make it through the pandemic. Last I heard, they closed. But it happened way before this story came out. Not sure if they were going to open up in a new location or not.
Regarding the specter of outing, I think it's the biggest rain cloud that hangs over perspective clients as they consider a seeing a new Domme. When a story like this comes out, I imagine that many of those subs who were on the fence about sessioning take a step back. Outing is bad for the industry as a whole.
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#15156 - 07/02/21 06:04 PM
Re: The Ugliness of Outing
[Re: tabula]
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2304
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I'm sorry to hear about Parthenon not making it through the shut down of this last year. I've never worked with them but know them, by reputation, to be good people. I've been around the block a few times when it comes to femdom studios. Professional dungeons are simply not going to out their clients. Discretion is paramount. The ex girlfriend has herself to live with over such a pathetic act. NYP has lost all of my respect for their sloppy reporting. That is my soap box. And, yes, I agree that the fear of being outed is something that clients worry about...especially those with a lot to lose. It is an axe over all of our heads, pros or clients. Fortunately, it is rare that these things happen. Vanilla sex revenge videos are probably a more common occurrence.
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#15157 - 07/02/21 07:18 PM
Re: The Ugliness of Outing
[Re: Cheyenne]
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Addict
Registered: 10/20/15
Posts: 448
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I was once threatened with being outed. Her lawyer sent my attorney a sabre rattling letter that threatened a lawsuit. He included a veiled threat to out me. My attorney was surprised and asked me to explain. Which I did bluntly. I told him that I was not terrified about being outed but preferred that it not happen. My attorney sent hers a stern reply accusing him of extortion.
I am not going into details. The lawsuit never materialized.
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#15159 - 07/02/21 07:26 PM
Re: The Ugliness of Outing
[Re: The Thomas]
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2304
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Good for you for standing up and your attorney for handling it so well. Years back there was a bomb diffusing specialist in our military that was outed. I don't remember the details. But, I do remember him taking the position of, "Yeah, so what?" He offered to resign and his boss said he wouldn't accept the resignation. Life went on as usual for him and his bitter ex must have looked like a horse's a#s to all of her friends.
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#15161 - 07/03/21 07:01 AM
Re: The Ugliness of Outing
[Re: Cheyenne]
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Enthusiast
Registered: 06/17/19
Posts: 283
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One of the reasons I've never registered on the hang is due to the outing that goes on there. I don't understand why buzz members continue to post. Careers have been damaged, and peoples personal lives have suffered. Out one of the hang elites and see how fast a mystery moderator pops up!
_________________________
Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
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#15162 - 07/03/21 07:14 AM
Re: The Ugliness of Outing
[Re: MsRoseWoods]
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Pooh-Bah
Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2304
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One of the reasons I've never registered on the hang is due to the outing that goes on there. I don't understand why buzz members continue to post. Careers have been damaged, and peoples personal lives have suffered. Out one of the hang elites and see how fast a mystery moderator pops up! I'm not doubting what you are saying. There have been long periods of time when I've been busy with other things and haven't even read the forum. But, for the most part, I've been active there for over 20 years. I was a moderator for a while. I've never seen anyone outed. Again, not saying it didn't happen. I've seen some real as#hole behavior there. But, I must have missed someone getting outed.
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#15163 - 07/03/21 08:04 AM
Re: The Ugliness of Outing
[Re: Cheyenne]
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Enthusiast
Registered: 06/17/19
Posts: 283
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I know of two times when people were outed on the hang. Both sprang from organized hate campaigns. The hang is a nasty clique where the special few can do no wrong. I believe any involvement and contribution just perpetuates the genuine rottenness.
I've been attacked and bashed on the hang, with NO support from my so called colleagues. If my attacker had any personal information about me. I'm sure it would have been posted. I'm also sure nothing would have been done about it.
_________________________
Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
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