Interesting and very thoughtful response. Spark. Shows that you did a thorough and candid self-analysis.

Mistress Ayn is fascinated by the Alpha/Beta dynamic. She has been unusually inactive of late. Perhaps she is enjoying a well deserved vacation. When she becomes active again she might want to join in this conversation.

I have often described myself on this forum as being 60% masochist 40% submissive. I suspect that you are somewhat similar.