I think boundaries are there for a reason, and they always should be respected, period. At the same time, we’re all human, and we all have human emotions that often emerge subconsciously rather than through rational choice. Interests in friendship or something more happen, and while I don’t doubt that there’s a psychological explanation sometimes, there also are times when those interests or feelings are just part of human nature. In vanilla life, it’s not that uncommon to meet someone you’re attracted to in a professional setting, even though that person might be your boss, or one or both parties are already in a committed relationship. It’s what you do with that attraction that matters.

As in any professional environment, acting out isn’t going to end well. Self-control and self-regulation are essential. They’re traits that in part separate adults from juveniles, and they’re signs of respect for self and others. So if interests in a relationship or feelings for a professional play partner emerge, one has to keep them in check. If you can’t, or those emotions are negatively affecting one's behavior or mood in or out of the dungeon, I think it’s best to break contact.

That said, it’s a fallacy to think relationships never happen when there’s mutual interest. They may be rare, but the Ilsa Strix and Lana Wachowski example certainly isn’t the only one out there. That relationship received a lot of attention (and criticism) back in the day due to the stature of both parties in their respective professions, but it wasn’t the first time boundaries were crossed by willing participants, and it also wasn’t the last.

Folks that were playing 15 years ago might remember how Ilsa Strix and Larry (Lana) Wachowski were criticized in BDSM circles (for breaking boundaries), as well as in the media for a host of reasons. Rolling Stone even did an expose’ on them that IMO denigrated and painted a woefully inaccurate picture of BDSM (and cross dressing too). Seems a lot of folks just lost sight of the fact that the Domme and sub involved were real people, and their spouses at the time were affected by all this too. All to say, I think it’s important to keep in mind that we’re all human, and we all have human emotions.

I never played with Ilsa at her LA dungeon, but I used to run into her at the Vault in NYC once in a while. She was an awesome Domme, and a BDSM pioneer in many ways, but also someone you could have a normal conversation with. I live in Chicago, where the Wachowski brothers have always had their studio, and Karin (Ilsa) and Lana (Larry) are well known in the city for their support for the LGBTQ community. They do fund raisers together, and Karin (Ilsa) is a Trustee for Chicago House, an organization that provides a variety of services for the LGBTQ community and those marginalized by gender non-conformity and HIV/AIDS. Pretty awesome stuff IMO.

Just an aside, but Lana Wachowski is a recipient of the Human Rights Campaign Visibility Award and the Freedom Award from Equality Illinois. And the other half of the Wachowski brothers team, Andy, also is transgender. She made her first public appearance as Lilly Wachowski last month at the GLAAD awards in LA.

Finally, while I can understand the appeal of the fantasy Domme who’s the epitome of perfection, I personally find it healthier and more appealing to know my play partner is a real person, with a real life outside the dungeon, even though she may be a 24/7 lifestyle Domme.