Hi Mistress Ayn, As usual this is a really insightful post. i too am alpha at work, though I see my beta side shine through from time to time, and that can be helpful in certain customer meetings....customer meetings may be the only time when "topping from the bottom" is helpful!
I love the opportunity to let go and be more of my true self. For me, it is these three things 1) give up control 2) connect with the domme so we both have fun in session- if not fun for her, it won't be fun for me 3)the taboo nature of what we are doing is really exciting.
there is a part of me that feels guilt - that this beta part of me is more laziness....it takes work to be in charge and the responsibility involved is stressful, there is a part of me that is a people pleaser...i guess thats why i like the cuckold fantasy and forced feminization, also lets not forget ........beautiful, intelligent, powerful women as most dommes are- are hugely charismatic and fun to be around.
With all of this said, i see my self as beta with learned habits of alpha for success in day to day life.
i hope to session one day with You, i am sure it would be AMAZING!!!