It seems that there are dramatic differences in the way that people use the term to break a sub or slave, and large differences whether or not "breaking a sub" is a desirable thing or whether it is or should be a goal of the domme sometimes, if not asked.

The agreements seem to be that breaking a sub often overlaps with the sub crying or begging, and it sometimes overlaps with the sub asking to do things beyond his hard limits or fears.

On one hand, many dommes like to mold their subs and slaves, and on the other, if we search the net on the topic, a lot of people say to not break the sub!

Below is a post by a domme who started a thread over at max several years ago. The post started 4 pages of discussion and then it went silent about 4 years ago . . .

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One of the bloggers that I follow wrote about "breaking a sub" and what it means. I think this should make a very interesting and enlightening discussion.

To me, breaking means having him beg me to do things to him that I know are past his hard limits. This happened a few times and the "high" was incredible, but daunting at the same time.

I am sure that most, if not all ladies on this site, have at one point or another made a grown man cry.

What does breaking mean to you? And after you "broke" him (or her) how did you put him "back" together?

Subs, have you ever been "broken"?

I don’t know if it constitutes “broken” but having done a lot of ballbusting sessions over the years, I know in some of my best sessions I’ve certainly felt like the Domme broke me. In some sessions, I just kind of want the pain to stop and feel kind of done with the whole thing. Those are definitely not the best sessions but they happen. In others though, it’s kind of like just total submission to the pain and the Domme, almost a complete loss of self. I had this in my last session a couple weeks ago.It was a double Domme session which after some light cbt progressed to pretty intense kicking. It ended with one holding my arms and forcing my legs apart while the other kicked me and then let me drop to the ground where I laid just a total broken mess. At that point i would have consented to pretty much anything, with no limits. I have found it challenging to “put myself back together again” after it. It was very intense, and even after a couple weeks, I’m still processing a bit. It’s led me to decide to take a break from sessioning at least for a couple months, in part given the intensity of the experience. That said, I fully expect I’ll be “back on the horse” next year, seeking that same feeling!

Crying is rare. Crying from pain alone is extremely rare.

Embellishment and exaggeration are all too frequent in reviews. I am immediately suspicious whenever I read something like, "I cried like a baby"

Yeah. Me too. I have had it happen a number of times, but I don't think it has ever happened in a first session. The few times I remember, there were other things going on with the sub beyond the session - and the session just brought those to the surface. And that is seldom something a sub would write about in a review.

I can't speak for other Dommes, but to say I have "broken" someone or want to "break" someone is used a bit tongue and cheek. Pushing someone's limits or having a breakthrough moment in training is not breaking a sub - at least not to Me.

In the few instances where a sub really breaks down in session, a ton of aftercare is needed to bring him/her back to a solid, stable, healthy place. I have experienced this more in lifestyle scenes than in pro sessions.

sure, that is fine.

I was quoting from a post of an experienced and world traveling domme who says it happens sometimes, but even she only suggests that crying MAY be a part of breaking a sub and that her idea of the sub breaking is giving up or changing his limits.

Some guys or even gals MAY cry OR they MAY beg when they feel trapped in something they do not want, or when they have asked a domme to stop and the domme has not stopped!

If I go to google and type in "whipping to tears," there are videos, but of course, it is not always clear if it is the pain only or the fact of being trapped or the domme not stopping when requested.

There are vids in which a gal has been wearing eye shadow or mascara or whatever that is. And, during a vid of a whipping or caning, the eye shadow or mascara goes with the tears down the side of the face to the chin. So . . . no matter what other things you think are the cause, some people surely do cry some while being whipped or caned and I think they are not faking it.


Of course, some of the people in some vids have had less experience or fortitude than you or I . . .

If the eye shadow or mascara is on the woman's chin, then, what do you think happened?

And, yes, sure, different people cry about different things. I myself have cried about some things that I would not have cried about a few months earlier or a few months later!

I was raised in a religion in which crying about some things is considered normal, reasonable and at times expected, but in the absence of the cultural teaching, a person might cry less about the same things.

Some cry when a parent or son or wife or husband die and some do not, even though outwardly the conditions seem the same.

I had a tooth extracted and was in great pain for several hours afterwards. It lasted several hours and at first I tried to manage without getting a pain killer.

I was in terrible pain and the pain was as bad or worse than my sessions with a domme.

I was in strong pain and I tried to get through it and then finally I went and got a pain killer. All without tears but in a lot of torment.

Crying can be from guilt or shame or a form of pleading to a person to stop, obviously, and these things are not always a matter of conscious control!

I remember crying twice in a session. Once it was unrelated to the Mistress or the session. I hadn't seen her in a long time and at the end of the session she asked why. I told her I was in a relationship for a couple of years, and I told her the lady looked a bit like the Mistress, but we had to break up... and tears came to my eyes. She came over and hugged me, comforting me.

The second time was years later with a different Mistress. She had me do things, experienced things, I never did before. I was seeing her twice a month or more. On the phone too. I was never rejected by her and I was in deep subspace. I went to see her just to give her a tribute... and say goodbye. I was in too deep. She was somewhat stunned yet comforted me and said I could always return when I was ready. (Oh... I did months later. She is still my Mistress today.)

I gave this topic more thought and it occurred to me that one type of session that involves "breaking the sub" are interrogation role plays. I am going to confess that while I been intrigued by them I never got around to doing one. My understanding is that the sub tries to hold out for as long as possible but in the end the interrogator "breaks" him and he spills the beans. I am guessing that breaking too soon is a bit like premature ejaculation though. So this sort of session works best once the Domme has learned this sub's tolerances and weaknesses. So I don't see it as being a good choice for a first session.

Perhaps the prisoner interrogation scene is where the idea or phrase comes from, in whole or in part. In addition to interrogation scenes, it is clear that some dommes do something similar in "consenual nonconsent" scenes, sessions without a safeword, and a few other situations!

There is the book about an American prisoner of war in the Japanese prison camps and it is Unbroken, and so, it is surely an idea that the normal public uses and associates with prisoner and interrogation scenes and real life events.

there is the louis zamperini story. He was an aviator in WWII for the USA and then became a prisoner of war in Japanese hands.

There are books and movies about him and one of the books is Unbroken.

In this context, unbroken seems to mean submitting successfully to an endurance trial.

It appears he became a Christian after the war and so there are Christian biographers also who enjoy reading and telling his story.

Unbroken (The Young Adult Adaptation): An Olympian's Journey from Airman to Castaway to Captive Paperback – Illustrated, April 25, 2017