I don't feel like I have enough information to pinpoint the disconnect but it sounds like maybe it's a combination of you not knowing how professional and cultural BDSM works and/or problems with your scene negotiation.

Are you looking for a Dominant or a service top? Because if you say



This sounds like you want a service top, which is someone who isn't actually Dominant in the scene but someone who assumes the top role and delivers what you want in the way you want it, what I tend to call a "kinky waitress" or "Burger King Domme" (having it your way).

Usually, a Dominant is blending the needs of both into the scene. Contrary to what you may think, it's not just about you getting served, it's about the needs of all scene participants. If you just want someone to just "serve" you, then you don't want a Dominant.