I hope you contnue with your exploration. I started out 20+ years ago looking for Dommes to satisfy my needs as a service top and almost 6 years ago I found a few very special Dommes, like Mistress Ayn, and my present Mistress that I am collared to, who cultivated my interests into ways that led me to service them and their desires by controlling my urges and then using me to entertain them in a way they found enjoyable. In the end, it did give me what I hoped to find which were Women, whom I adore and worship, that would find joy in exerting control over me to service them. My present Mistress keeps me on a tight leash at times and I remain chaste to her. I have learned the true definition of a Goddess which She is like Mistress Ayn. I may be approaching the end of my ability to take brutal CP sessions but amazing Mistresses like these know how to plan out amazing encounters that are epic on every level. I for one am grateful to them for allowing me to be myself and escape into their world for the time we get to share.