how can you submit if you are not strong? submission can only be given if you have strength.

BRAVO!

You have to be imaginative, and trusting, like our MIstresses.

I think you are talking about the difference between submission in the normal, non-sexual, vanilla world vs. the choice to submit to a specific person for a specific period of time or on an ongoing basis.

Men who get bullied and pushed around, who won't stand up for themselves whenever there is a conflict and always just give in are weak and usually are like that because of a lack of confidence. That may make them submissive personalities but that has nothing to do with what we view as submissive behavior in our community.

It takes a huge amount of strength to truly submit to someone else in our world. To give up control and subvert your own desires to someone else that you fully trust is a big thing. Unlike guys with no backbone, it is an active choice to do so (even if you are just making the choice to book a session) as opposed to the weak people who are just suffering the daily indignities that are foisted upon them in life.

The world may see it as one person bossing around another person and doing all kinds of evil things to them. But that is part of an agreed upon dynamic that requires confidence and trust in the Domme by the sub. So, submitting is a serious act of strength even if the world only sees that I am being spit-roasted and peed on while wearing full makeup, a maid's outfit and a chastity device. *looking dreamily into the distance and forgetting what we were talking about*

But this is never the case, is it? The sub always ultimately sets bounds and limitations to say the least. Ultimately each different session is a different business transaction and if either of dom/sub don’t like to continue doing business with each other they have zero obligations to continue it, right?

In the "one off" session, I would agree with you. It's a transactional, negotiated scene. But if you are fortunate enough to develop a deeper bond with a pro Domme it can be so much more. She can push limits safely beyond where you ever thought you would go. It can be a journey, if you seek it and let it happen. Choosing to take that journey takes strength. I think that is what others are trying to convey here.

Mistress Ayn, as usual, you are absolutely correct. Thanks.

It's weak because you are paying. I fall into that category too. I don't consider myself weak per se, but this is a weakness.

I agree with everything you specifically said as every relationship, whether it involves BDSM or not, has each person in the relationship setting the rules/limits of what they will put up with. However, I think the unstated implication of your statement is wrong.

As Mistress Ayn stated, in a purely transactional Pro / client relationship it does function the way you stated and if that is your attitude about seeing a Pro Domme (even if you see the same one for years). However, if you see it as a true Domme / sub or Mistress / slave relationship (whether money is involved or not) then it is about serving and pleasing her rather than your own desires. It can be about limit pushing but it can also be that she really enjoys an activity that you don't (but isn't across a limit) and you submit to it for the higher purpose of bringing hee pleasure.

It takes strength to put her needs and wants over your own, especially if you are a client who is paying money for that experience. Also, some relationships extend beyond the session doors and may include limit pushing. The fact it does that is also something that is negotiated but that may make your specific limit lost a suggestion rather than actual limits.

As a general matter, great acts of courage, self-sacrifice and so on - normally stem from submission to a higher purpose. The self alone seldom satisfies the need for such action. One achieves remarkable things because one is knowingly humbled.

So submission is always a paradox of qualities and virtues. The notion that it is merely a form of weakness is silly. I would argue that the inability to say no to ego is a great weakness. And further that the one who can't do that is the most likely to tell you that submission is weakness.

BDSM is a paradox for all of us. I lead or address about 20 meetings a week. It all looks quite alpha to the untrained eye. But I can't wait to be bound, gagged, feminized and relieved of that self and the need to exert control.

One has to come to terms with the fact that the "truth" is made up of one's whole contradictory self. And you get your next merit badge when you come to understand that there is no contradiction.

I’d say it just is. To different people, submitting fulfills different wants/needs.