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#10948 - 05/22/20 03:29 AM Re: FemDom resentment [Re: Mistress Ayn]
Cheyenne Online   content

Pooh-Bah

Registered: 07/12/19
Posts: 2303
This is a great topic. Most of the men I've met through femdom are fantastic people. But, now and then, someone would pop up with the resentment syndrome. I always thought of it as someone who has an addiction and they resent us for holding the keys to their "Drug" of choice. I'm glad this is rare.

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#10952 - 05/22/20 07:27 AM Re: FemDom resentment [Re: Mistress Ayn]
gimp Offline
Regular

Registered: 07/25/19
Posts: 114
Loc: NJ, USA
When I was younger I used to hate that I had submissive feeling. Although I never took it out on women or Dommes for that matter. My take is those guys either don’t really know how to talk to Dommes in the first place. Sure they could of had a bad experience with a Domme, but no need to take it out on all Dommes.

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#10956 - 05/22/20 09:18 AM Re: FemDom resentment [Re: gimp]
junglebeast Online   sad
Addict

Registered: 06/15/19
Posts: 451
This is a very interesting topic. Just speaking for myself, no, I never held any resentment towards Dominas as a group or profession.

Now, in the decades I've done sessions I have immediately walked out of appointments when I felt the lady was not as advertised or I felt unsafe. I'd usually paid part of the tribute and left quickly. (That happened four or five times since the 1970s, which isn't bad, and that hasn't happened to me in years thanks to the internet.) I've felt resentment towards the individual Dominas in question, not against all the ladies in the profession. To do the latter would be illogical.

As I've gotten older and took a look at my experiences with Dominas and dominant women, is the obvious: I love strong, beautiful women of all shapes, sizes and races. Hell, this is the only way I would have been able to spend quality time being the center of attention of these special and gorgeous women. I love the theatricality, the costuming (for Her and me)… and the fantasy, groveling to get the least bit of affection from the Goddess I'm looking up at. (As for the activities, I have my limits but those limits have evolved over the years.)

My approach, for a long time now, has been that when you see a new Mistress at a dungeon, hotel or their home, they don't know who is coming through that door. Respect that. And secondly, I always try to act in session that the Mistress has hired me for Her entertainment, and not the other way around. That gets me in the proper frame of mind.

All I can say about resentment is that some guys may resent, hours, days or weeks after the session is over, that they couldn't really afford the tribute. But that's not on the Domina, that's on them.

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#10957 - 05/22/20 10:52 AM Re: FemDom resentment [Re: Mistress Ayn]
TheDriver Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/18/19
Posts: 24
I enjoy going to a Mistress every few months because it's fun and exciting. It's been on my mind since I was a kid, and I have no idea where where the desire came from.....except the first X rated book I ever stumbled across was something like Dr Klow's Spanking Encyclopedia.

Had pretty much the same upbringing as my many siblings, and to my knowledge, Im the only one interested in Mistresses. I probably won't ask any of my siblings about it though.
I'm not sure if this type of fun and excitement makes me a "sub"....but who cares, I enjoy it....AND wish I didn't. Makes life a little more complicated.....but Im not mad at anybody about it

I sort of feel the same way about ice cream. I enjoy it.....AND wish I didn't .......but Im not mad at anybody about it.

For me...that's life.....and I think I'm normal...(the key word there is "think")

I have my thoughts on a nit wit who feels he's entitled to unload on a domme or anyone else.

I think the "everybody gets a trophy" mentality is coming full circle. The "trolls" and "the subs getting crosswise".......... These are the people who act like children, and when they don't get their trophy, they become bullies. They're too cowardly to try and discover what the hell is eating them. Instead they take it out on whoever is denying them.


Maybe he does hate woman or his fantasies....or maybe he's just a miserable fuck......hopefully you'll never know.

So many damn trophies.....and you weren't going to be one of them.......aint that a bitch!

Just my abbreviated two cents
The Driver

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#10958 - 05/22/20 11:25 AM Re: FemDom rersentment [Re: Mistress Ayn]
junglebeast Online   sad
Addict

Registered: 06/15/19
Posts: 451
Originally Posted By Mistress Ayn
Originally Posted By future pet
When it didn't go his way, the facade of mutual respect fell away like a kabuki mask. Because there never was any actual respect. Just some social convention that could be discarded at a moment's notice. As it was.


Yes, exactly. Usually these guys call themselves "slave something or other", put on the veneer of submission and are even obsequious - until they are not. Usually it comes from them not getting their way on something and then hell hath no fury like a fake slave scored. The mask comes off quickly.

I would just love to know the psychology of them wanting to wear the mask to begin with. Mommy issues? It's beyond my paygrade obviously but I am particularly curious about this one.


Sounds like Eddie Haskell syndrome, the wiseass character from "Leave It To Beaver."

Here's a link if you are not familiar. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Haskell

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#10964 - 05/22/20 03:02 PM Re: FemDom resentment [Re: Mistress Ayn]
ztrade Online   content
Enthusiast

Registered: 10/26/15
Posts: 341
Ok, here ate my thoughts.

There is some fraction of the population who believe they are or should be entitled to a variety of extra good things. Some of those people are guys and some are women.

Some of these people believe that they have the right to control other people, to expect their love, allegiance and loyalty, despite the person having done little or nothing to merit that love, allegiance and loyalty.

When some person they were hoping would provide the love, allegiance and loyalty does not, they turn on him or her, verbally, physically or both. And the anger of that person often broadens to include insults and denigration of various groups, since the one doing the insults believes, at times rightly, that he will hurt someone's feeling by use of insults against women, dommes, jews, Russians, poles, etc.

Some people like to have someone else or some other group whom they can blame. 100 years ago, it was Germans blaming the jews for their defeats and setbacks in ww1.

5 or so years ago, one guy, yes, blamed sorority women for not dating him and then went and shot some of them in Santa Barabara.

Certain politicians, some Rep and some Dem, find various others to blame, blame, blame.

So . . . There are the Jews who were responsible for the plague . . . Who somehow caused Germany to give up in ww1 . . . Thete is Putin and there is Obama and there are a dozen others we Americans can blame for problems.

And some guys blame dommes and some blame women. Some blame the Jews and others blame.rock stars for corrupting the youth.

According to the bible story, the first dialogue of man with God included man blaming God and the woman for causing problems!

Perhaps I will look up the verse a little later . . . And remember, a few chapters later, there is a woman blaming and accusing a man!

It is simply the nature of many people to find someone to blame.

Maybe we should watch The Battle of Britain.

It makes for great drama. Hitler blames England for dropping bombs on Berlin!

Or see Downfall. Hitler blames xyz and pqr and all the German generals for lying to him and for his defeats!

Lots of people want some person or group to blame. It is natural.


Edited by ztrade (05/22/20 03:03 PM)

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#10967 - 05/22/20 09:28 PM Re: FemDom resentment [Re: Cheyenne]
AssSniffer1999 Offline
Artisan

Registered: 12/11/18
Posts: 97
Loc: Connecticut
Originally Posted By Cheyenne
I always thought of it as someone who has an addiction and they resent us for holding the keys to their "Drug" of choice.

I definitely sympathize with that to a degree.
I've never, ever, ever taken out those conflicting feelings of frustration towards this fetish out on a domme, never even vented or confided these feelings with dommes in a non-anonymous setting, but I do admittedly have feelings of resentment towards myself for having this fetish. And even to a degree I guess resentment of dommes in general for, like you said, "holding the keys".

plz don't flame me for this post lol

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#10975 - 05/23/20 12:33 PM Re: FemDom resentment [Re: Mistress Ayn]
Mme Veronica Offline
Regular

Registered: 07/08/19
Posts: 104
+1

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#10999 - 05/24/20 05:43 AM Re: FemDom rersentment [Re: Mistress Ayn]
Mistress Tissa Online   content

Sage

Registered: 11/02/15
Posts: 749
Loc: Philadelphia
Originally Posted By Mistress Ayn
I believe the majority of the married clients I see regularly do have solid relationships. This is just an aspect they don't wish to share or are afraid to share with their mates. Most of them have been married for many years and they speak of their wives respectfully. I am sure there are exceptions, but I certainly don't think the opposite is the rule.


It depends on how you define "solid".

Respectfully, I don't see what you describe as a solid. Is it tenable? Sure. But let's be honest: if you can't really be yourself with your own partner that's not usually understood as a function of a solid relationship.

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#11010 - 05/24/20 04:28 PM Re: FemDom rersentment [Re: Mistress Tissa]
TheDriver Online   content
Member

Registered: 06/18/19
Posts: 24

It depends on how you define "solid".

Respectfully, I don't see what you describe as a solid. Is it tenable? Sure. But let's be honest: if you can't really be yourself with your own partner that's not usually understood as a function of a solid relationship

Mistress Tissa
Complex subject. Honestly, I've never felt going to a dominatrix allowed me to be myself....I always felt going was an escape from my real self and the real world.....a fantasy to enjoyed once in a while.

Its great fun, but it doesn't define me, nor does it detract from my ability to have a solid relationship.
When BDSM become socially acceptable, maybe it will be easier for everyone.
The Driver

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