Some could be self-hating fetishists or subs - much the way we have self-hating gay men. (Including plenty of the most homophobic politicians.) They hate this thing about themselves that isn't "normal." It's a short walk from there to despising the one who triggers those "feelings."

I never had the resentment but it took me a while to wrap my head around the fact that I'm a submissive. Probably because it felt like a contradiction. How can I exert this authority over here in professional life and also be this very different person over here. One must be more right than the other.

Accepting that they are complementary and both need to their air time takes a while. The world doesn't teach us that. Not to men anyway. It doesn't really teach us anything useful about it. We have to feel our way to it and hopefully find Dommes who will help with self-acceptance.

But we have to want it. I don't think some of these guys you speak of - or the one who just left this site - want it. They love an idealized self that they'll never be and they hate the perceived enemies of that impossible self. Kinda sad. But you know at the start of the 20th century a school boy could still get punished in this country for being left-handed. We adapt slowly. Especially men.