Recents posts on here have brought up something I have long been curious about. It's not uncommon for a "sub" to get crosswise with a Pro Domme and turn a full 180, becoming extremely nasty and denigrating not only us, but women in general - which shows their true feelings about women. I have often wondered what these guys see in doing sessions? Is it a type of masochism?

I spoke with a male friend of mine about this and his opinion was that they resent their FemDom fantasies but can't stop them or stop seeking out Mistresses. Deep down they hate themselves for it. Their anger is transference.

Any thoughts?

There's two sides to it. There are men that hate themselves and hate Doms for sure. They act out inappropriately to varying levels some, which are really bad, but there are some legitimate gripes one can have with pro Doms and some of their attitudes. More later gotta run out.

Because of my interest in cnc, I'm pretty aware of that aspect. In other words, it's fair to wonder - do I seek a predator/prey scene because I want it to trigger/excuse a resentment or loathing for women; to make Her be the predator so I can hate her for it.

I don't feel anything of the sort. But the Mistress is right to wonder if I do. CNC can be incredible (as you would know). But only if everyone involved is there to explore rather than to validate some ugly notions of the other. (I have been on the receiving end of those notions as well; live and learn.)

I know some guys don't like deposits. But I really won't see anyone who doesn't take deposits. More think-time goes into it to work out basic chemistry and yes's, maybe's, and definitely not's. And to let each other feel confident that we are both coming at this from a fairly good place.

I will normally start by proposing a non-refundable think-time fee. If the session never happens, so be it. But it's not foot worship. She has to spend some time thinking about it, planning it, and considering the person inquiring about it and his motives. Assuming that should be a free service is wrong on every level.

As to our recent ship in the night, it never seemed that the veneer of respect went very deep with him. Some people think they want to be understood, but what they really want is attention and indulgence. People who wait til you're done speaking to be polite rather than because they are listening to you. He was one of those. His communication will always be asymmetrical. When it didn't go his way, the facade of mutual respect fell away like a kabuki mask. Because there never was any actual respect. Just some social convention that could be discarded at a moment's notice. As it was.

I don't at all envy Dommes for having to suss out who's kink is mixed up with smoldering anger and resentment. It's woven into my scene approach though.

Sounds about right.

They don't like themselves for their kinks, and they transfer that dislike to dommes.

Throw in some more resentment for the unconscious idea that "If I like something I am entitled to it" and not being able to get as much as they want.

Then there is the stereotype based in truth that subs tend to be decision makers in their jobs. At least in the past guys like that tended to be conservative, which carried some misogyny along with it, as well an inability to handle women who are their equals/superiors.

Yes, exactly. Usually these guys call themselves "slave something or other", put on the veneer of submission and are even obsequious - until they are not. Usually it comes from them not getting their way on something and then hell hath no fury like a fake slave scored. The mask comes off quickly.

I would just love to know the psychology of them wanting to wear the mask to begin with. Mommy issues? It's beyond my paygrade obviously but I am particularly curious about this one.

Probably a sad truth.



I usually don't ever get to the point of developing a relationship with these sorts but based on the information I do know (from applications if it even goes that far) they tend to be guys that are not in solid relationships. This points more to their inability to get along with and establish relationships with women more than conservatism. I would say that at least 70% of my clientele could be labeled as conservative. I don't see them leaning toward misogyny any more than my more liberal clients. Just my two cents.

Is this 20% or 30% or 15% or so of the slaves or subs?

If it matters, I have had non professional people make guesses about my supposed psychology or my supposed or alleged "true motives" for doing some things slightly unusual, and not even bdsm stuff. The people making their guesses have been wrong in all cases or nearly every case.

In these cases, it was a common reaction of the non professionals to suppose that because 1 I did something they did not like and 2 that thing was unusual that therefore I was secretly psychologically troubled or disturbed!

Now I will agree that 1 in 3 to 2 in 3 persons in society are a grouch prone to lying, anxiety or depression.

Long ago, the Roman Emperor MRcus Aurelius, supposedly one of the good emperors, wrote that ee can commonly expect to be mistreated by most people or nearly all of them.

It seems like it is normal for the majority of people to be paranoid, lying and grouchy idiots. That is the normal state of affairs.

If the average person had a ring if Gyges, and the ring made him invisible and he could commit various crimes without others knowing or punishing him, would he do so? Yes.

The ring of Gyges is a part of Grerk mythology that philosophers use in discussions about morality and the nature of man.

Most are creeps and criminals.

I am not sure what you mean by this question, ztrade. Are 20% of them resentful and end up acting like aholes? No, not at all. It is a miniscule number - thankfully. If that is not your question, please clarify.


Well I am definitely not a professional therapist so I quite possibly could be wrong in my guess. And all guesses here may be wrong but it's an interesting topic for me.

I know this is slightly off topic, but I did not know about the Ring of Gyges. That is fascinating to me. I honestly think my answer would be no. I would feel immense amount of guilt even if were the only person aware of my crimes. ( Maybe that's a result of Catholic upbringing/Catholic guilt ) Thanks for sharing that, I'm going to check out.

I've been doing some of my femdom adventures in the world of sugar/arrangements. One of the thing many sugarbabies (SBs) say is, it is very common that a potential SD will message them, being sweet and charming. And then, something will happen that shows they're not compatible (e.g., her allowance request is higher than what he's offering, or there's something about the logistics that won't work out). She'll politely try to part ways, expecting a polite "thanks, sorry it didn't work out" reply, and instead, she's treated to this torrent of abuse and threats.

I bring this up to point out that in any sexually-charged situation, femdom or sugar or vanilla dating or anything else, this 180 seems to be not totally uncommon. Perhaps a combination of testosterone, wounded pride, and most importantly, low emotional intelligence. Perhaps femdom magnifies this all a bit, because on top of all that, he knows she's made him beg for mercy, stomped his balls, made him lick her toes... maybe once the bubble bursts, that helps drive some perverse need to save face by lashing out.

Just an observation