I think there are multiple reasons why this happens. Some which seem to have obvious explanations to me and others which don't.

I think one reason is that they have longstanding issues with a female figure in their life. Likely their mother. Men who cling to Dommes and seem to desperately want their attention, sometimes trying both healthy and unhealthy ways, sometimes becoming sycophants for them, only to turn nasty when they don't get what they want, seem to hint at feelings of abandonment. They are using Dommes as a stand-in "mother" figure that they hope to finally get the attention they never got from their mother.

I could keep going but I could write a thesis on my interactions and speculations about the maladapative behavior I have experienced as a Domme and woman.

Aren't most clients of prodommes married?

I don't know if I'd say "most", though you can't always be sure that someone is telling you the truth.

I definitely have seen a lot of single men because they never have the issues that marries men do: very restrictive schedules, no marks, etc.

For those that are married, it doesn't mean that the relationship is "solid". In fact, it is likely not to be solid if they're seeing a Dominatrix without their wife's knowledge, which is the case for most married men.

I agree.

I can't tell you how much flack I've gotten for offering that opinion on web boards with guys ogling women in fetish gear.




Also known as the "Nice Guy" in the vanilla world.

Low self confidence men who make contracts with women, without telling them, that if they do nice things for them the woman will return affection. When that doesn't happen they turn nasty.

Yes, soapy, most clients of FemDom's are married (maybe 80%+) but the typical guy that causes this specific kind of drama is usually not in a relationship - in my experience. If I really wanted to extrapolate I could speculate they are "incels".

I believe the majority of the married clients I see regularly do have solid relationships. This is just an aspect they don't wish to share or are afraid to share with their mates. Most of them have been married for many years and they speak of their wives respectfully. I am sure there are exceptions, but I certainly don't think the opposite is the rule.

Resentment comes easy to incels. If they are doing many sessions they are likely to fantasize about their relationship with the Domina escalating and when it becomes clear that it is not happening can turn.

Financial strain could play a role in some cases. If they are spending more than they afford on sessions and there is no sign that they are going to get what they really want they are likely to start feeling that they've been exploited. Something like a polite suggestion that they try a longer than usual session might trigger them.

Some could be self-hating fetishists or subs - much the way we have self-hating gay men. (Including plenty of the most homophobic politicians.) They hate this thing about themselves that isn't "normal." It's a short walk from there to despising the one who triggers those "feelings."

I never had the resentment but it took me a while to wrap my head around the fact that I'm a submissive. Probably because it felt like a contradiction. How can I exert this authority over here in professional life and also be this very different person over here. One must be more right than the other.

Accepting that they are complementary and both need to their air time takes a while. The world doesn't teach us that. Not to men anyway. It doesn't really teach us anything useful about it. We have to feel our way to it and hopefully find Dommes who will help with self-acceptance.

But we have to want it. I don't think some of these guys you speak of - or the one who just left this site - want it. They love an idealized self that they'll never be and they hate the perceived enemies of that impossible self. Kinda sad. But you know at the start of the 20th century a school boy could still get punished in this country for being left-handed. We adapt slowly. Especially men.

I'm a full-time self supporting musician for over 25 years until recently I started a part time business. As I've known plenty of "Rock Stars" famous and not, I find some of them to be insufferable, entitled and out fo touch. Some Doms remind me of this, they have the same behaviors. I'll throw narcissism into it as well. Resentments though a waste of energy sometimes are rooted in stuff that' lands on the the sub who has self hating or other issues, issues even mental illness. That's what I meant in my first response. There are plenty of Bad behaving Doms out there, acting like assholes. Fortunately for me, I've become good friends with quite a few over the years that are wonderful stand up, solid human beings. Since I've gotten tight with these ladies, I've been privy to some pretty extreme fucked up men some of which are even dangerous in some cases. There are bad and good on both sides. Oh wait, did that sound like a Trump quote? Lol!

I have at times wondered if there is a larger proportion of unstable or disturbed. men involved in seeing Pro Dommes then in the general population. I suspect there are although I don’t think it’s a huge difference and of course I have no proof or statistics. It could be as simple as that the fact that having these bdsm desires is in itself going to cause some to have innate problems in attracting women or relating to them and that leads to the hostility and undesirable behavior you are talking about.

You and other Dommes are much more familiar with the wide variety of clients you get then us clients are. I mean I’m the only male I know with this sexual leaning whereas you’ve seen hundreds. I’d guess the ones who see the Domme/sub relationship as a monetary transaction are the ones more prone to doing that 180 when they don’t get their way.