One of the funniest things I remember actually happened after a session. We had done electrical play and the sub's whole area down below was a bit numb at the end. He left the session and went to his favorite watering hole for a drink. While sitting there he reminisced about the session and had a spontaneous orgasm in his pants. He then proceeded to get totally pissed (drunk) because he couldn't leave until the front of his pants dried.

The stories here have been laugh out loud funny. Funnier than mine, but here I go again.

This is another one story based on the from the NY Magazine Classified Ads in the mid 1990s. Mistress Melora was her name, a tall, voluptuous, some might say zaftig lady, in her late 30s, maybe 40 at the time. She had a pale complexion but long red hair over her shoulders. Melora usually wore some type of black bustier and either high heel boots or shoes.

Even for someone of my height, weight she could be physically imposing. Melora lived in what I could only call a medical building in the East 60s of Manhattan built in the 60s or 70s. I always felt she was a head nurse or hospital administrator. She sessioned out of her apartment, a two-story studio with a small bathroom on the left as you walked in, a kitchenette with bar in front of that, four steps up the living room, and then 8 to 10 steps up her open air bedroom... which I never visited. The sessions were done in her living room.

This was in the mid to late '90s, before I discovered female bodybuilders and after the HIV/Aids epidemic. She liked being the Amazon Queen and was physically imposing, face sitting (not nude), roughing Tarzan up, almost doing scissors looking back on it, lots of foot, leg and breast worship, slapping, spanking. I usually saw her on Sunday mornings for several years, off and on, into the early 2000s. It was more intimate, sneaky, evil I guess... LOL.

In this session I called from downstairs, she left the door unlocked, I locked the door and we began immediately. She thrashed me around, I begged, fought to worship her all over, she allowed me to, Melora began humping me when I stood up as if she had a strap on... it was a heavily sensual session. We both had a great time.

I washed up, began to get dressed and had some small talk. She escorted me to her apartment door, we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek and said goodbye.

As I began to unlock the door both or us realized something. Both of us said, almost at the same time, "Wait a minute." Both of us laughed. I took out of my pocket the envelope she always requested with my tribute. We had such a good time both of us almost forgot about it!

We both laughed, hugged and I was on my way.

Moral of the story? Mistresses, no matter how much you trust or like your sub, GET THE TRIBUTE BEFORE YOU START!

LOL!

Years ago, I had a client who came every Friday night for a session. I had just purchased a new fetish outfit, including a pair of six inch heels. I was excited to surprise him. One of the doms at the studio had my client on his knees, waiting in the lower level dungeon. She had warmed him up and got him in a great headspace. She had even taken the time to light candles and make everything as dramatic as possible for my entrance. As I walked down the stairs, in my new heels, I tripped and ended up rolling all the way down. It was like a scene from the Carol Burnett show. I landed, spread eagle, right at his feet. What do you say to that? "Tada?" All of these years later, my former client and I are still good friends. We will always laugh about that.

I wish that was on film!

As a side note: Did you ever make a "bloopers" clip at Club Dom? I've had some funny things happen on film and for a while I tried to save them to a file for future laughs. I need to try to find that . . . We all need some laughs right now.

Somebody might think how did you forget yo got pissed on. To this day it is the only golden shower I ever got and it was on the middle of my back and lower. It happened towards the beginning of the session.
That early summer evening was nice so when I got to my car to drive back to the hotel I kept the windows down. Really never got a whiff of myself until a couple of seconds after the guy next to me did.
If you knew how vain I am about appearance and smell you would laugh.
When I got back to the hotel I took the stairs so I wouldn’t have to be in the elevator with anyone else.

Here’s just one more story to keep this going. This is about my second session with Goddess Vegas (a.k.a. “Lethal Leg Goddess”) back in 2005. I found her on the wb270.com site for female bodybuilders. But she wasn’t a body builder, in the cliché sense, with a deep voice and enormous muscles. By trade the Goddess was a former Vegas showgirl (hence her name) and her physique was something like an almost six-foot track or Olympic swimmer. I met her when we were both in our early 50s and she was in amazing shape for any age, and as I learned, was a fitness coach, practiced yoga, was an expert videographer (she did produce her own vids of sessions) among other talents, and a great sense of theatricality.

She was the most, or one of the most, dominant and intimidating women I’ve ever met. But she wasn’t a dominatrix either. She didn’t work out of a dungeon, instead hotels or her home. She rarely, if ever, used equipment. SHE was the equipment, as you’ll soon see. She was highly mysterious. In all her photos and self-made videos her face was never shown, which is why she kept her blondish hair quite long to protect her privacy. Between that face and her figure being with her was like being with a gorgeous Hollywood star who was a world class athlete. I served her for five years, usually twice a year. She never went topless in session. She never came close to touching “jungle pet,” as she called me, in the genital area. Yet my sessions with her were some of the most erotic I ever had, and I slipped into probably the deepest subspace of my life.

Goddess Vegas’ turn-on, I think, was to physically and emotionally intimidate males. For instance, in our first session that was in a NYC hotel she sat down on a lounge chair in her room and ordered me to sit on her lap. I was around 225 or 230 lbs. then. She was maybe 150 or 160 lbs. and was wearing high heels. She told me to follow her instructions, cradled me in her arms, and stood up holding me. She walked several steps and threw me on the bed with such force I rolled onto my stomach. I was immediately smitten and in deep subspace.

The second session was in her apartment in Vegas and ask if I’ve ever been scissored. I did see pictures. Some bodybuilders in wrestling session would wrap their legs around the male subs’ torso or neck/head. To be clear, the Goddess did not do wrestling. Subs were kind of like tackling dummies for her. I chose the neck/head scissor because, horny me, my head and mouth would be in close proximity to her genital area. I got into position. She told me to tap if I felt heavy pain and she would stop. As she scissored I could feel the light hold with one or two muscles going. By the second or third scissor the pain was high and the amount of thigh muscles squeezing my jaws were astounding in the way she was able to pulsate the muscles.

A week or ten days later I was having breakfast one morning, oatmeal with raisins, and I began to chew on something hard. It wasn’t a hard raisin but an old filling, which popped out. Towards the end of the day I went to the dentist and he was mystified. The dentist asked, “This happened with you eating oatmeal?” I said yes. As he filled the tooth with all the lovely dental equipment in part of my mouth he then asked, “I’d swear, it’s almost like you were hit on the mouth.” I grunted “No.” But seconds later I realized… it was Goddess Vegas’ thighs and scissors that did the damage. I seemed to grin at the memory. Seeing me grin the dentist had the weirdest look on his face as if to say, “What the hell is he smiling for?”

When I left the dentist, I immediately called the Goddess and initially she was concerned about the tooth. It was almost like she was worried I was going to complain to her about what happened. When I told her of my grin and the dentist’s reaction, we both had a good laugh… and seemed to bond as Mistress and sub from then on.

To everyone who has read and contributed to this, my thanks. Writing about my adventures years ago and remembering them, during this terrible time was therapy for me. I hope my stories were diversion for many. As for the responses... between memories of 'CHOCOLATTE', walking the dog not realizing you have lipstick all over your face and a collar on, your Mistress tripping and falling (and laughing about it), the sub who came in his pants at a bar and got tipsy waiting for his pants to dry, the subs who smelled of GS, Mistress Cheyenne who made her grand entrance like Carol Burnett... they have all been special and most were laugh out funny.

Keep 'm cumming! We all need it.

Everyone, be well and stay safe!

I probably should have but didn't. When Mad Magazine was a in it's first year, they had one subscriber cancel. The person was in Bolivia or some country quite far from the US. The founder of the magazine put the entire staff (Which was about 10 people at the time) on a plane. They just showed up at the guy's doorstep and asked why he canceled. Hilarious.

Years ago, I made a similar video of a few doms and I showing up at a man's office and doing the same....only strap ons were involved. I linked it to the cancel button on the site.

I sense more humor and just for the fun of it videos being in need. :-)

It was a pleasure to read about your exploits. I think that many of us, even those with a sense of humor usually are too tense when they start and too eager at later stages. I have enough laughter but not much slapstick or comedy in my sessions. Not enough material for good stories for third parties. I think that your particular fantasy is fertile ground to generate interesting episodes.

Some may not have found this funny if it happened to them but definitely funny to happen to another.
About the year 1999. I have a 3 day meeting and stay at a hotel because after the meetings we go out for a few drinks. Get back to hotel early evening and grab the DC City Paper. Remember those? I am looking for strapon play. First Domme ad I call I find out she is two blocks away from hotel. Perfect since I had a few drinks. Very happy and relaxed.
Abbreviate the session. On a table, legs in stirrups and getting stretched with fingers and toys. Now strapon time. My eyes are closed and I am relaxed. She starts and as always it takes some work but eventually I surrender. A few minutes in I ask what size strapon is inside me.
Her answer was, Jiminhales2, I don’t have a strapon. That is my dick inside you. She asked, Did you really read the ad?
Well I did when I got back to hotel and I missed something. Wow.