Thank you all for your replies and advice. The step I have been missing is giving the Mistress that I am using as a reference a heads up. I will do better in the future and hopefully get a better result. I also never thought of sending a little gift to the ones I use more than once or twice. Makes sense.

As a lifetime sub i was always hesitant to ask any prior Domme for a reference. But, NOW, my sub life is dramatically changed. As She offered in this forum, Mistress Ayn is very reference friendly. As HER slave, i would never reach out to a Domme unless i had Mistress Ayn's blessing, which makes Her reaching out to the new Domme easier. i am SO contended with having a single Alpha Mistress that seeing a new Dommes is only due to location or if She offers some additional training for me.
But, thinking about it, subs, we have the luxury of reading a new Domme's website so we have been introduced to Her. Some subs are less eloquent in introducing themselves and then there is the issue of authenticity.
A reference is an important opportunity - please coordinate that with your past Domme. It will lay a stronger foundation when seeking to serve a new Domme.

I get this. NONE OF US want our clients to go elsewhere. But part of being a professional and an adult is understanding that's how it goes sometimes. People may want to go to other providers.



Yes, I agree that this doesn't just apply to subs but other Dommes as well.



This is actually a big pet peeve of mine. I have taken the time to give other Dommes helpful reference info and some haven't even bothered to say "thank you". I mean, I just did something to help facilitate your safety and income and you can't even acknowledge my reply?

As I've said: I'm not shocked by people's fantasies, I'm shocked by their lack of manners.

Working in a Dungeon with multiple Dommes has desensitized me to this. We share subs often and if one of my regulars is coming to town and I can't see him, I will gladly refer him to one of my Sisters and they do the same for me. If he ends up meshing with someone else better, then great for them. If we act like adults and professionals as you mention, it all comes back around eventually. It's when people start acting petty and fearful that can really cause them to lose clients.



100% agree. Preach it!

Really good point that brings up the point that: if you have a "main" domme, you can make asking for references a fun part of the play. I had a main domme where this eventually evolved to: if I wanted to see another domme and ask for a reference, I'd send her a 10s video of me on my knees (no face showing), asking permission to see Mistress so-and-so and permission to list her as my reference. If she approved it (she usually did), I'd send her a cheap little something off her gift list. In all honesty, all of this was more for me than her -- I loved asking her permission, I loved the theater involved, and the little gift assuaged any inappropriate guilty feelings I had over it.

Obviously, if you're mistress-hopping or don't have a single mistress you're most devoted to, this won't work