I'm not sure if it's an age thing, I see about as many older men on Fetlife use really informal and short text speak as younger guys.

I've certainly noticed the change in that almost all Dommes in the last year or so now require deposits, to deal with a real problem of time waters and no shows.

I think kink.com bears some blame here too, although they may just be an early casualty of the blurring of BDSM and the straight sex scene. It's a bit of chicken and egg, so I'm not sure which came first. But they've been so influential in exposing new people to BDSM it has to have had some effect.

Interesting topic, thanks for posting it.

While you are understandably viewing and experiencing this behavior from a BDSM perspective, I would suggest that it is just another sad example of the overall degrading of civilized norms. I believe that behavior is enabled and to a great extent the byproduct of the availability of communication through digital channels that is both unaccountable and anonymous.

Because there is so little face to face, or even voice to voice communication, it has become easier to treat people with disrespect.

This type of behavior is growing more common in all aspects of society. The normalization of this behavior, along with a universal sense of entitlement are degrading civility everywhere.

These rude and disrespectful "subs" feel entitled to your time and attention simply because that's what society has taught them. Since they are "considering" using your skills, they feel entitled to say or react however they want.

Police officers being doused with buckets of water ? No problem, you work for the public so the public is entitled to do whatever they want and the drenched cops have to just sheepishly walk away. How many online clips have you seen where someone goes berserk because their order was slow in coming or incorrect at the drive up window ?

Everyone is entitled to everything the way they want it, when they want it and for what they want to pay for it. And they are also "entitled" to react as badly as possible when someone disabuses them of that notion.

Sad to say but that's where society is.

Some old people act like children when you let them on to the playground. I'm 76, and I tend to be fairly casual when writing to or about dommes here (and I've been accused of being disrespectful, too), but if I'm exchanging private e-mail, I'm on my best behavior.

As always, you have offered up some amazing insight and a well written post.

Regarding social media - a big YES of agreement on your thoughts about that - on so many levels that it's dizzying.

1. Subs often say they like Twitter because it gives them a better sense of us as people. Maybe the days when we were more of a mystery were better. Familiarity breeds contempt. We are not perfect and when potential subs see us acting imperfectly, as you mentioned, it could erode the pedestal we have been up on.

2. As MistressNumber1 stated there are so many newly minted "dommes" on Twitter that it gives the appearance that a good Domme is easy to come by.

3. Which brings me to this - FINDOMS- which I left out of my OP and I think someone else brought up in a thread. Like the SW label the lines get blurred with Findoms vs RT session Dommes and I guess some guys think every woman that calls herself a Mistress or a Domme is alike. If I judged Dommes only from what I see on social media I would think the lot of them were greedy, grasping, narcissistic and not particularly bright - because the majority of "dommes" on Twitter are wannabe FinDoms. As an example, a Domme follows me on Twitter - I glance at the profile, it looks normal, I follow her back as a courtesy and then my feed gets filled with "loser send me money now" tweets. I was sucked in momentarily and I am a Domme! **End of FinDom rant**

By the way, I got off FaceBook about 2 years ago. I keep a profile up so I can post events but I don't log in for updates or post. I told my friends that if I didn't get off Facebook I would end of hating them all. Bitching and bragging. Crying or crowing. I just could't take it anymore. Maybe subs are getting to the same point too.



That is exactly what I meant. Thanks for the expounding on this.

Your being in France brings a different perspective to this that I am curious about and I would like to propose the following questions:

1. Have you noticed this change as I and the other Domme discussed? I am wondering if this attitude change is strictly a U.S. condition since FOSTA/SESTA is a U.S. law.

2. If you have noticed, for how long?

Many people here have offered some good explanations for a building attitudinal change, but for me it was like a switch went off around the first of the year.

Yes, we have had this slow creep of things like sex in films, like Kink.com as someone mentioned. There was 50 shades that brought mainstream attention. And social media didn't just start being what it is in the past year. I agree that all these things attribute to the condition but I can't reconcile the sudden change. I guess it could just be the eventual backlash but that just doesn't seem to fit for me. What are your thoughts?

And yes, I agree, times change. We just have to figure out how to adjust and I am sure we will. I am just an inquiring mind that wants to know the "why" behind things in the hope that I can "fix it" or make the transition easier.



I don't disagree with you on any of this.

Oh, thank you!
I'm still unconfident with my english, I'm so glad to know I can be understood with the precision I like to have.
Plus, I've learned a new word: dizzying


To wrap up my opinion with the social media thing and agree even more with you, one of the things I like the most about pro-dommes is the "character-building" part, including that part of mystery, so as the professional photoshoots and the thorought website. That character-building is one of the reasons why I'm willing to pay for a session, instead of just finding kinky private partners.
And yes, using Twitter the same way as any woman next door does can sometimes damage this character-building I think! In addition to hurt some subs's feelings, as already said.


Do you mind if I quote your opinion on Findoms to put it in my upcoming article about it? I won't mention your name. I couldn't agree more with you, and coming from a pro-domme will only give these thoughts more credit, way more than coming from a random sub.

I 100% agree. I am also guilty of the occasional rant and have to watch Myself when it comes to social media.

On another note, I once told a male friend of Mine that I was considering writing a blog post on the value of a tribute - you know, all the things that go on behind the scenes that the tribute ultimately covers. His advice as to skip it. "Don't destroy the fantasy." Too much information can do that.

Yes, you do have permission to quote Me in the article you mentioned. Please provide us with a link when it's done. I am sure many of us here would be interested in reading it.

This is a great discussion and you have known me for quite some time. I think it boils down to respect for people especially Women. Some may not like this but here goes. At a very young age we (my brothers and I) were taught ABSOLUTE respect for Women. Revere them, protect them, help them, and be there for them at all times. You see something negative happening you deal with it! This was multi-generational starting with our great grandmothers, grandmothers, mothers, and so on. It was all about The Golden Rule. This I taught, no, make that drilled into my son but I took it much further. Rely on no one, stay away from the government, rely only on yourself and your family, be there when needed. Work your tail off, earn everything you have and expect nothing. There are winners and loser and ATTITUDE is what makes all the Difference. Be your best self and do what you love and do it hard. Give everything you have without holding back and others will trust you, rely on you, look up to you and see as a person of character and ALWAYS respectful of others, especially Women.

Back to your point, I think it all starts there with the nuclear family. Treat your children bad and they will treat others that way. Women in many ways, especially those Professionals who have been around a while have seen the breakdown in families and societal values and respect people show for others. It is almost impossible to have a meaningful discussion with today's generation unless they were taught to be free thinkers and that it is ALL about building and developing relationships. Henceforth I work to build relationships with the Women I meet. Sorry, but almost all men suck.

I, for one, am so grateful to you all, ProDommes, SW's, and others and even I have made huge mistakes and at times, was rude and sometimes an a-hole, but in the end I know I am a good person and my relationships with Dommes has gone on for a very long time. I am not afraid to take responsibility and apologize and as I said to my Mistress, when things go bad or there are problems, it is 95% me and 5% her. I needed to grow even at my old age.

There are many thoughts here, but I am sorry to say I think it will get much worse in the very near future for Dommes and SWs until the hate stops, societal values shift, respect and open, honest and meaningful discussion returns, and we all realize we need each other. That is impossible in today's political arena and has been that way for more than 25 years.

I know I am profoundly grateful to Mistress Ayn, Mistress Ultra Violet, and my Mistress because you all allowed and enabled me to be me and to live my best life. I love all of you and as my sissification, feminization, slut training, chaste lifestyle and dependancy on my Mistress for any relief or pleasure continues, I get more in touch with letting go of everything and being a good respectful slave, client and sometimes even a friend.

What a heartfelt reply, teddy. I hope you know how highly I think of you and what respect I have for you as a person. Your and my values are well aligned as I know them from the many discussions we have had in person both inside and outside the Dungeon. Plus you are a loyal sweetheart of a person and I value that very much.

Yes, times are changing and I do see a rocky road ahead of all of us as we shift to accommodate the change. Change is the key word here because so much is in a state of flux and polarization. I also think women have to take some responsibility too. We are sending mixed signals that men don't know how to deal with properly. Hell, I don't always know how to deal with it.

The other day a man opened a door for me as we both entered a shop. I thanked him and he said, "I never know what is the right thing to do anymore. I've been told off by women for opening a door before." WTF? If I had gotten to the door before him, I would have held it open for him. That's common courtesy.

On Twitter I recently read one Domme complain that she had to stand up on the train because none of the men offered her their seat. I don't expect a man to give up his seat for Me because I am a woman. A train is not a Dungeon. It's real life. One the one had we want equality but also want to be treated "special" - or at least some of us do and men can't read our minds. I have been guilty of this too and I am not sure what the answer is. These are major growing pains.

As women take more power in the workplace and life in general things are going to change. For future generations of subs and Dommes things might get even more tricky. If a man deals with a dominant woman at work on a regular basis that has the ability to fire/promote, he might not feel the need/desire to submit in a Dungeon. This could be an interesting new topic for discussion.