Some are stronger than others... but I completely agree. Well said.

We all quote you because this is remarkable and true. It also comes close to how I wanted to start my reply, which is to say that both you and Lady Cheyenne have equilibrium and optimism and what you project in a session is as important as the screening.

I have to say that I know of multiple cases where things turned out worse for other mistresses, and I am not talking of the obvious situations involving violence. These are not my stories to tell, but indeed situations like these do happen.

My personal experience is different in that I am not submissive but I am optimistic and tend to trust people, and not to worry about things which are not under my control. In the few situations where I had bad or scary experiences I blamed myself for not choosing well my partner.

I tend to be pretty selective too, which was not something true when I started. I know and understand the arguments against, but for me being able to see videos of a mistress before seeing her tells me a lot not only about her skill and compatibility but also about her.

Ayn

You nail it with this statement!

The best teachers I ever had weren't great because they excelled in their subject, but because they are great personalities.

Waiters don't get a big tip because of the skills with which they carry the plates, but because of their personality.

A physician friend of mine told me that the best advise he got while studying was that patients have almost no ability to judge the physician's technical skill, but judge them on the experience, atmosphere, personality and whether the patient has pain :-) during the treatment.

Good pro-domme sessions aren't memorable because of the technical skills of the pro-domme delivering it, neither her age or looks, but because of her personality!


P.S.
This is also why I like these boards. I'd session with you (and some other ladies) anytime if in your area, without even looking at your session profile, because of your well-reflected and flamboyant contributions!

Not sure.
There's a reason why some pro dominas get mentored at their beginnings or have to pay for technical courses.
Not the mention that some practices make no sense when they're not mastered, could even be dangerous.

I get the spirit of your post though and I subscribe to your enthusiasm!
But in my opinion, technical skill is just as important as the person herself.

I have done some angel-investment and learnt (unfortunately a bit too late) that one is much better off with a great personality as the CEO than a great scientist or engineer.

It is not that I discount a domme's skills. But what distinguishes a great domme is her attitude and personality...

That's why most of the great dommes are, or could be successful in completely different professions.
Take Daria in Warsaw whom we both know. I am sure she would excel in many other ventures. She is smart, diligent and has a great attitude. I am sure with her personality, she would quickly acquire another trade and be successful.

Seen on that light, I couldn't agree more with you.

To me, it is analogous to a physician's use of bedside manner. It is a skill that in my opinion is woefully undervalued. With a great Domina, you can sense her empathy even when you are undergoing physical abuse.

I have been doing some very long sessions, multiple days, where I am the entire time under full physical control of the domme, meaning defenselessly restrained.
So in one such session "my" domme brought a friend of hers (let's call her Nina) to the event. Not a domina, just a friend of "my" domme. Nina and I didn't know each others before. From the onset it wasn't clear, if Nina would engage into the session, but it only took a few hours for her to participate quite enthusiastically.

So about the second or third day, the domme felt safe enough to go away for some errands. So it was just Nina who had control over me, nobody else was in the house.
I took the opportunity and playfully suggested to Nina, that she was such a nice girl and that she should release me. She left the room and came back with the keys to my padlocks, held them in front of my eyes and then placed them on the floor, out of my reach and left me alone, leaving me, naked, with my hands securely chained to the ceiling, like in a movie.
While the keys were out of my reach, I could however reach a riding crop with my feet and with it I was able to reach the keys and eventually free me.
When Nina came back into the room, I turned the tables and overpowered her, but made it clear that the safe-word would also count for her.
We wrestled for a while, civilized and careful not to injure the other. She put up some resistance, but did not use the safe-word. Being male with about 50% weight "advantage" I was just stronger.
Then I started to provoke her, telling her what all I intended to do with her. I expected her to use the safe word, but she didn't use it, so eventually I "made a mistake" and she could overpower me again and put me back into my place, and obviously punished me for what I had done.

After the session, when we discussed the situation, I asked Nina whether she wasn't afraid: overpowered by an unknown naked man, alone in a house. And why she wouldn't use the safe-word.

She responded that she liked the power-struggle and was sure that I would not hurt her - and told me that by the way, she was a local champion in kick-boxing...

International,

I don't want to yuck your yum but it seems to me you're very lucky. This could have gone a very different way and you would have come out looking pretty bad. Was it negotiated prior to your escape that you could, if given the opportunity, "overpower her"? There are many reasons why someone who is scared and frightened while being overpowered might not use a safeword under those conditions. Fear can do strange things to us. They don't call it "deer in headlights" for nothing.

I've been released from one bondage position to be put in another many times, and never has it crossed my mind that this was an invitation to overpower my Domme during this transition. Rather, there is a spoken (or unspoken) trust that I will act respectfully and according to her wishes. If such an interest did cross my mind, the right thing to do would be to pre-discuss these interests with the Domme prior to the session and see if such a dynamic would be of interest to her. This goes double for someone inexperienced, like you described. There are probably many Dommes who would enjoy that type of dynamic and at least just as many who would not. You don't know until you ask.

I hope I'm misunderstanding, but this seems exactly the type of story I could see being on a Dommes "Have your ever been afraid?" story list. I think we should all give some careful thought to how we can best make sure to not inadvertently end up the subject of such a story.

--Tabula

Tabula

Your comment and concern is well taken and very fair.

It was not the first time I had played with the domme, and we had quite a few experiences with mutual overpowering, we had gradually drifted into that. So it would have been perfectly fine with her.

However I wasn't sure how much her friend "Nadia" was briefed, as I had not been involved into her briefing.

And I definitely wouldn't have done it, if she hadn't set up the atmosphere by provoking me, and this in a quite teasing way. So I took her up on it.

But I fully agree with you that such a situation can easily get out of hands. We really both played it well: she remained cool and in play mode, and I eventually backed off before she asked me to do so.

In terms of the "unspoken" rule about how to behave with a domme. Mutual respect is always a given - in any human interaction.
But in the end the session is a play, and I always put up some playful resistance when the domme transitions me. I want to feel her physical power, and so far I never ever had a negative response, but quite a few positive comments that they liked the playful physical challenge.

With Nadia it was not just limited resistance, it went quite further, and I agree with you that she easily could have interpreted my behavior as threatening rather than playful - which is why I think it fits into this thread.

In reference to the last words in your first sentence, that I am "very lucky".
Yes I am: Nadia is an amazing person and she is very successful in her own career. She isn't a pro-domme and I don't think she ever had a session with anybody else. But now and then we do have a multi-day session when both our time and travels allows, just to figure out how far we can push it! :-)