Oh, Mistress Ayn... i always think of You as a sex doll for my enjoyment... I'm just not stupid enough to actually let You roam around in my very sick mind.

Asp

Dear Mistress Ayn,

In the first 6 month's of this forum's existence I either said I was 2 parts maso 1 part sub or maybe it was 60% maso 40% sub. I know that I have repeated that formula. Variation on an old joke: First prize in a contest: 1 hour of ouchless submission. Second prize: 3 hours of ouchless submission.

However saying X is primary and Y is secondary is not the same as saying Y does not exist. I do have a submissive side which complements the masochistic side. There has been a thread topic that I have been tempted to start that is oddly based on a loose common ground between one of ztrade's threads and one of Aspx's threads and my opinion in it is based on my sub not my maso side.

I have only a small amount of fetishism (and no sissy element). That is particularly manifest in my attitude towards outfits. As I've grown older they mean less and less to me. Indeed after 2 good sessions I usually say something like, "I am perfectly comfortable with you wearing your street clothes the next session if you'd like" If a good chemistry has been established a session with a domme in her street clothes can make me feel that I am closer to the real person which is nice.

Now I have admitted in the past that I was fond of role plays in my early days but for the most part I have gotten away from that.

When I am starting with a new Domme I will communicate via Email before the session things like:

"There should an OTK warm up using your hand as hard as you want early on"

"I should be thoroughly restrained during the most intense phase"

"You can hit back, thighs and even the soles of my feet if you like but when the session is over the sorest part of my anatomy should be my buttocks"

"If you feel like doing some NT this session you should start with using your fingers before progressing to clips"

So yes I am giving instructions but I am also giving considerable leeway. If they are not followed during the session I do not top from the bottom during the session. Rather I make a mental note and there is no second session.

Oh and a word about women's feet. Most men who don't have a foot fetish tend to find them bordering on gross. I seem to have the rare middle position. They are nice but in a mild non-fetishistic way.

Mistress Ayn, now I see where you are going with this. Yes, you were correct about me. I am a submissive with some fetish interests like Stockings, garters, nurse outfits, red lipstick, etc. I enjoy role play, as you know, but as my interests have evolved the common thing is once all my interests are known by the Dommes, You and Mistress Ultra Violet as two of the best I have ever sessioned with, I desire zero control and wish to submit to the expereince that you have planned and crafted to be an adventure for me, and hopefully pure joy for you.

Mistress Ayn,
After reading your epiphany your second scenario reminded me my 4 first sessions with Mistress Ultra Violet (I realized now that I did wrong, but was my first experience ever with a ProDom). I realized by the 5th session that something was not right and changed my approach to the first scenario.
I gave MUV a list of things that I would like to try with her and since then our sessions have been getting better and better (I session with MUV on monthly basis)
So yeah, back to your point, a fetishist could be really selfish but a well seasoned ProDom can help him out to put off that selfishness and have session that can be great for both parties.

Exactly! Positively! Bravo!

I'm one of those selfish fetishists. My thing is spanking, but I have never felt that I'm submitting to the woman spanking me. I understand that I'm paying to have my itch scratched.

I try to choose my partners-in-time carefully. For starters, I look for those who classify themselves as "disciplinarian;" "domestic" is also a helpful clue. Sure, I have my quirks. If I find someone who enjoys wearing vintage lingerie, I'll probably ask her if she has a slip to wear when spanking me, but if not, and everything else seems to line up, that's not a deal-breaker.

I know that I wouldn't a good match for a domme who looks hot in latex and loves to have her feet massaged. While anyone can swing a paddle and turn by backside red, this would be "just a job" to those with other specialties and preferences. There's no fun there for either of us.

I'm no psychiatrist, but I don't believe that people are naturally submissive. This is something that you grow into, and a true submissive really needs a full time relationship, not an hour of submission and then back to the old grind. But anyone can be a fetishist, and for any fetish, if you look hard enough, you'll find someone who will engage and satisfy you.

I don't believe that people are naturally submissive. This is something that you grow into, and a true submissive really needs a full time relationship,

This is so true, and what I wish I could find. I thought I had it last year with an amazing Domme but in the end our relationship became Pro only and I am glad our exclusivity ended on a totally Professional level. While I love to play and session, my true desire is to have both Pro and Lifestyle involvement with a Dommme.

I would tend to agree In My experience fetishists are rarely loyal to one Domme. I have slaves who have been with Me for several years.

https://twitter.com/StLouisDomme

Fetishist. I like playing submissive, but I think I would probably get irritated with someone giving me significant orders or orders when I wasn't in the mood.

I don't think I ever actually replied to this with an answer about myself, which is definitely that I am almost totally a submissive on this scale (except where a specific fetish is involved and then it is just about the proper incorporation of that fetish into a session).

But, to put things into perspective, I had an amazing session just yesterday in NYC and at one point near the beginning the Domme who was being comfortable encased in rubber but wearing completely non-sexy (at least for me) skechers, said that she needed to go put on different shoes. I told her that I was there to see her and that if she needed to put on sexy shoes to get into her Domme headspace she should, but that I would rather she be comfortable and enjoy our time together than to dress for me.

Do I prefer high heels or boots to other shoes? Yes
Do I prefer she be in Rubber/Leather/Lingerie to sweatpants and an oversized shirt? Yes

But, ultimately, my enjoyment derived from her pleasure at me submitting to her and that puts me heavily on the submissive side of things.

For most, I believe, and myself, some significant level of trust needs to built.
Then typically I would just write, and have, "I trust you, within these hard limits (not really that many) please build a scene you think both of us will enjoy." That's beginning of submission, where even a strong willed and occasionally ornery client can be, at least, sub-like.