I'm so sorry I didn't see this until it was too late. I 100% disagree with everyone else on this thread. You booked with a "well-known" Domme, which means someone experienced & trustworthy. You worked out a date & she told you everything is good for that date & you don't need to make a deposit.

If this Domme is trustworthy, trustworthy enough to put yourself in her hands, then you should have trusted her & that should have been it. Instead, you put yourself in a panic over not making a deposit that she didn't need, want or ask for. Then, when she ignored you asking about something she told you she didn't need, you created a narrative in your head about her possibly not doing the session.

I have traveled to see way too many different Dommes in way too many different cities to count all over the US for many years so I understand the travel part. Yet, I have never had a Domme say we are good for a date & not show up for a session that I was traveling for without contacting me if/when there was a problem (or literally jumping through hoops in their personal lives that they would cancel a local person's session for).

I have had situations where I have shown up & something happened to the Domme on that day but Dommes are human beings with real lives like everyone else & shit sometimes does happen. However, someone breaking into her house as I arrived in town (yes, this happened) or becoming violently ill (again, this has happened) is not something she would expect 9 or 5 or even 2 days before a session & no deposit or communication that you are still good would change that.

The fact is many Pros go through the booking process then disengage because you are not paying for their time to do all that extra work in constant email/texting. A Pro not wanting to handhold you is just something you need to understand as a client. That is not to say that is the optimal way a Pro should act in a situation where you are traveling to see her, & are obviously panicking, just that it is valid & the way many pros do things.

In my opinion, you should have trusted her word from when you booked & then traveled there. Also, rather than asking about putting down a deposit you should have been asking about her protocol for confirming (Does she want a text/email once you get to town or just confirmation on that day or whatever her process is on the day). That would have given you the confirmation you were seeking about being booked rather than forgotten while not bothering her with questions she already seemed to answer but even if she didn't respond, you still should have gone.

To me, the bad behavior in this situation is much more on your side of the situation than the Domme's & if you panic this much because travel is involved, you really should only see people who are local to you. I'm sorry if this opinion is harsh but this kind of behavior makes it more difficult on those of us who do actually travel to see Dommes.

AspX makes very good points.

I'd love to hear an update on what happened.

Wow, I am 100% on the other (@aztoilet) side. He was about to take at least 2 days and probably at least $400 just to get to her and wanted confirmation.

I just did a test.I opened an email window and wrote "Everything is set for our appointment on Nov xx. No deposit necessary. See you then".

That took me 26 seconds and I am a slow typer. If that was too much to ask for because "you are not paying for their time to do all that extra work in constant email/texting" then I am certainly moving on to the next Mistress and not getting on the plane.

You do make some valid points here but . . . I never heard him say she said no deposit was necessary - she just ignored him when he asked if he needed to send one. And his idea of "well known" might be different from ours - lol.

Personally I would bail. It doesn't take much time to be professional and answer his question. He is getting on a plane just to see her. The least she can do is put his mind at ease. And what Domme doesn't take a deposit from a new client these days? Just sayin'

This quote is from later in the thread rather than the original post. There were "some" emails back & forth, which i read as multiple then a confirmation of the session date.

As for deposit, what Domme who requires a deposit never mentions it right up front, let alone in the course of multiple emails to confirm a date?

i do agree with "well-known" not necessarily meaning to him what it might mean to us. But, You know me Mistress so i think You'll totally believe that i know the behind the scenes business stuff of several "well-known" Dommes that don't want deposits even from new clients (3 different ones off the top of my head) . i, like You, have been surprised when each one told me this but they feel they read people well enough that they rarely, if ever, get burned by it *shrug*.

100% agree on the fact that it was unprofessional of the Domme to not take a minute & just reply, but we don't know how many emails "some" is or whether the Domme even looked at the deposit emails because she was already past her limit from the emails just settling on a date.

As I mentioned to Mistress Ayn, he said that booking the date took multiple emails. Which COULD mean a lot of effort already being expended by the Domme. At a certain point, every Domme has had enough & all I was saying is that she may have reached that point by the time she confirmed.

Ahh, the plot thickened and I didn't have the patience for it. ;-)

Ok, I concede those points.

I still question the "well known" part.

Just like some other "well-known" Dommes :-p



I took that to mean he didn't want to name her but it would be someone we would recognize if he did. But, i definitely get Your point Mistress.

Perhaps there had been several emails back and forth. But her silence might have meant that she decided that he was just a wanker and that she had moved on to an alternative schedule. In any event, a professional could have sent an email saying that everything was set, just show up.

First of all, I'm sorry it sounds like you were planning a special trip to session with someone and you ended up feeling confused about the whole thing.

As far as what's going on? There's not enough info here to say for sure.

My first question is: What "well known" Domme in this day and age doesn't ask for a deposit? Maybe someone practicing for a long time, when people didn't ask for them and never changed her protocol? Someone covertly using a non-adult-friendly payment processor and didn't feel confident about your sending her a deposit there? Or someone who doesn't take them because they're flaky and know they're flaky and by not taking them they don't have to worry about returning them? Or some other reason?

Since we don't know who it is, and we don't know anything about what this "back and forth" entailed, it's difficult to say what actually brought you to this place. Maybe you missed something she said to you or have blinders on about your own behavior, something like that.

Deposit requirements for all first-time subs aside, if it were me this wouldn't happen. I avoid any ambiguity where clients should feel confident about expectations. If someone gets to a point where they feel they need to come to an internet forum to ask strangers whether they think they do or do not have an an appointment with me I see that as a communication failure by me as a professional.