ztrade, all of what you write says to me you still don't understand this.

If someone plans a scene around the inclusion or exclusion of a safeword that says to me they are not effective scene negotiators or scene executioners. Safewords are quick ways for someone to indicate they're in trouble and/or revoking consent. While a Domme can say she does not allow people to use a safeword (i.e. stop a scene), any ETHICAL, PROFESSIONAL Dominant or top must allow a client to stop a scene. If not, she or he faces the possibility of an assault charge. I'm sorry if that bums out your hard-on. It's the law.

That said, if you want a scene in which the Domme retains total control without ANY input from the sub then that is the scene you negotiate. If you negotiate whether or not someone gets to use a safeword that is because you don't understand how to negotiate power exchange. I have found that it is not uncommon that people -- including those who have been doing this for 30 or 40 years -- do not actually understand power dynamics. Not understanding power exchange is when people start saying things like, "I don't play with safewords." You have just told me you don't get what it means to submit to your Dominant and you're confusing that with safeword useage.

I have never had a client use a safeword. I have never had a client refuse a safeword. I don't allow it to be used because they want to steer me in a different direction or because I am giving them way too much of something and they want me to stop. If they need to do that then I'm probably pretty terrible at this.

Mistress Tissa, I think you may have just described the perfect Domme. One who gives you almost more than you can stand……..but not quite.

I must be the perfect Domme then. This is how I play.

Tissa,

It seems that you and I might simply have a difference of approach and understanding. Perhaps I and most of your subs or clients have a difference of approach . . . and it is certain that you have a difference of approach when compared with a dozen other dommes, many of whom seem to be equally as well respected as you.

But you have been taking the presence of a difference of approach and turning it into a reason for insulting me. Yes? No? Claiming that my believing something different would diminish my hard on . . . or that I and dozens of other dommes do not know how to negotiate power exchanges?

Really?

Supposedly some of the subs and clients who receive CNC sessions are lawyers and negotiators. You are speculating about my ability to negotiate, and you do not know much what I for work or entertainment. Do you know my education? No?

and, there are the other dommes who clearly STATE or SHOW in clips that there are times that they do not stop . . . and from what i know of some of them, they are millionaires who own 1 or more of their own dungeons.

Do you also insult the other dommes who have a different approach or take?

There is one domme in the UK and in her website or twitter, she says she expects and hopes that every client will safeword or try to safeword out at least once per session.

And, in a dozen dommes or mistresses, there are probably 3 to 6 different approaches to safewords and understandings . . . and with the same exact domme, she may treat safewords differently from one client to the next.

Now, you can say, it is illegal to not stop when asked to stop . . .
and probably the prosecutor will agree with you. But to say, as you have done, a mistress not stopping after she is asked to stop is only a fantasy . . .

that is obviously not correct. There are lots of them. And if you ask, suddenly it becomes available, usually, even if the website says otherwise. I would provide the links but I do not wish some zealous police or prosecutor to visit the website of any of my current or future dommes.

I do not need to argue with you much . . . There are the "clips4sale" and the "Iwantclips," and in one or more cases, the domme's own website of her expectations.

Do you insult your fellow dommes also, or just subs and future clients?

I could let you know, but perhaps you know already. Insulting potential subs and clients is not endearing.

That's "Most High, Magnificent, and Resplendent Goddess" to you.



I'm sorry, pardon me? Are you saying that it's an insult for me to say that I believe you do not understand how power exchange and safewords work? Or are you saying that you feel insulted that I made a joke about your erection being bummed out by legal matters? The guy who is telling everyone he wants safewords removed from a session so he can (presumably) be beat by a Domme to her heart's content? I apologize for the offense. I thought you were made of stronger stuff.

OK, so here's why we keep going in circles: You are approaching this topic from your fantasy of not being able to revoke consent. I'm approaching it from the reality that we Dominants -- pro or not -- must offer our subs and bottoms that option.

You keep saying that some pro Dommes offer no safeword sessions and I'm saying that you cannot take that at face value. It might be a wink and nod; a "no safeword". I'm also saying that if a Domme is in fact denying her clients the ability to safeword out then these Dommes are putting themselves at risk for assault charges. It doesn't matter how many years a Domme has been doing this or how famous she is, she is not immune to the law nor to a misunderstanding of it.

You have indicated in previous posts what seems to be a confusion between fantasy and reality. You asked about Dommes seducing their clients into doing their hard limits. You mentioned that you wanted a Domme to provide "sexy" aftercare. Now you're saying you enjoy when a Domme removes the right for you to stop the scene. These are your fantasies, ztrade. You can have whatever fantasies you want, of course, but let's say you had indicated a hard limit of being marked on your face and a Domme marked your face, is that arousing to you? If so, at what point does her transgressing your pretend boundaries turn into transgressing your real boundaries? Because it is that point that I'm talking about, and that is what safewords are actually intended to be used for.



CNC does not mean you don't allow safewords. It's a framework that means you are consenting to that which you have not explicitly consented. It doesn't mean you don't get to tap out.

Being a lawyer does not mean you understand how to negotiate power exchange within BDSM. It doesn't mean you're a good negotiator -- or a negotiator at all. There are plenty of bad lawyers out there. There's also plenty who are good and understand the risk in legitimately playing without safewords.

Ask a criminal defense attorney about consent and what it would mean if we didn't stop when our play partners told us to stop. Also, ask them about the 2004 case State vs Van. Two guys were in a Master/slave relationship. The slave wanted out, the Master said no, and once the slave got out, went to the police and when all was said and done the Master was charged with two counts of assault, one count of sexual assault, false imprisonment, and terroristic threats...because he essentially ignored his slave's safeword.

So, yeah, your fantasies are hot and all but the reality is that we have to stop if you tell us to or we could end up like Master Van here.



Yes, I am speculating. It is based on what you write here. And I feel pretty confident in my abilities in this area.



You've mentioned "clips" before. As if they're a benchmark for understanding reality. Clips are porn and porn is fantasy-based entertainment. Like the clips where the person is getting sexually assaulted or is getting beat until he bleeds and is saying, "Please, Mistress, please! I'll be a good slave. I promise!!" It's pretend. The person is (hopefully) not actually being sexually assaulted and the guy getting punished for being a bad slave is not only a good guy he's not a slave! This is the part you seem to have trouble with. There is a lot of pretend in BDSM. And the exclusion of safewords...



...can be an another form of pretend.



One thing about me is that I can't be manipulated to behave in a way you find more palatable by carrot-dangling. It's cute when guys try that with me, though.