(posted w/ Cheyenne's permission)

Inspired by a side conversation in the "sex and (non-professional) femdom" thread, I have been seeking femdom (with sex) in the "sugarbowl" for many years and really loving it. I had written a basic how-to that others are interested in. Some of my best experiences in femdom have been in a lifestyle that mixes features of each: sugar (aka arrangements) but with a femdom dynamic. Sugar relationships are relationships that include all the things you typically find in personal relationships (emotional intimacy, chemistry, strings attached, etc.) but also involve a (typically less-transactional) exchange of sex, intimacy, and financial support. The relationships can grow quite close, to the point that they can outlast the "sugar" part -- my last femdom SBs are still in touch with me and we are still close; our femdom sugar relationships (SRs) are over, but the personal relationship remains (albeit without any sex or financial support involved).
Obviously, this isn't for everyone. As a sub, you'd need to have the financial means. As domme or sub, you'd need to make sure you don't have any ethical qualms.

First some definitions:
SR = Sugar relationship = arrangement = a relationship between an SD and SB, that includes both aspects of a personal relationship but also an agreed-to exchange of sexual intimacy and "allowance" (money)
SD = Sugardaddy
SB = Sugarbaby
SA = Seeking Arrangement, the old name of the website that's now called Seeking.com. SA used to be open about being a sugar website, but with FOSTA/SESTA have made surface changes that make it appear as if it's a normal dating site. It's not, it's still sugar.

As I said, some of my most incredible femdom experiences have been in sugar. The upsides include: genuine connection while still maintaining boundaries, it's easier to find a femdom SB than a purely romantic femdom partner, it gives you a way to explore femdom in a very fun environment that includes sex. Downsides include: there is a very steep learning curve to pursuing femdom in sugar, and your budget will need to be quite a bit larger than you'd need for just seeing a pro domme or kinky escort once a month. And with that:

1. Some notes about sugar and femdom
2. Learn to be a high desirable SD
3. Learn how to introduce femdom to your POT

Some notes about sugar and femdom
If you go on a forum focused on sugar, and ask about femdom, you're going to get two pieces of advice, that I'll address here.
1. "Sugar isn't the right place for femdom, you're better off on Fetlife, femdom personals, and the like." This is directly at odds with my personal experience, which is that if there is any level of money or financial support in the mix, sugar is the best place to look. The people giving you this advice mean well, but you will find that very often they have not personally tried looking for femdom on Seeking Arrangements (SA), so really don't have any firsthand experience. In fact, very often the people giving you this advice aren't even interested in femdom -- they're just repeating advice they've heard elsewhere. Like I said, they mean well, but before you accept this at face value, find out if the person giving this advice has first-hand experience.
2. "Most SBs aren't dominant or don't mention being dominant on their profiles." This is actually 1. true, and 2. irrelevant. The true part is: I don't find a lot of women who identify as dominant, and even the women who are dominant won't mention it on their profiles because it attracts the wrong type of men. The irrelevant part is: my amazing femdom experiences on SA have all been with women who did not identify as dominant but, after I presented myself as a desirable SD (next section of this guide!), responded, "I never did it but I'd love to learn!" or "I've always wanted to try femdom but all the men I meet are dominant" when I asked. That is really the key: you are not just looking for women who mention being dominant on their profiles, and you are not just looking for women who identify as dominant; most of the women you're interested in will be neither of those, but be enthusiastic about trying it out with you. That last italicized part is the key to this whole thing, and what's made my journey in femdom arrangements so awesome.

Step 1: Learn to be a highly desirable SD
The women on SA are not there to find femdom. They are there because they want to find a sugardaddy. First and foremost, making yourself a desirable SD is a requirement before you even think about femdom. Luckily, just as in femdom there are so many obnoxious male subs, in sugar the guys are even worse! The learning curve is steep but if you learn the norms, how not to inadvertently scare SBs away (regardless of your view of sugar, many of the women view themselves as amateurs and need to be treated more like a romantic interest), etc. There are lots and lots of guides and advice on r/sugarlifestyleforum . I strongly suggest you:
• Learn how to write a great profile, that focuses on what you can do for her, not just on yourself
• Learn how to interact in messaging (at minimum, have a great pre-canned initial message, and great canned responses to common questions such as "what does your ideal arrangement look like")
• Learn how the process normally works (i.e., unpaid platonic initial meeting in a public place, etc.).
• Sugar is full of scammers who will target you, learn how to identify them. Sugar is even more perilous for the SBs, who are targeted by both scammers and guys who mean them harm or plan to use them: learn how scammers and bad guys act, so you can make sure you're not mimicking any of those behaviors by accident. Since this guide is more aimed at male subs, I'll return to: it is imperative you learn about scammers and rinsers, and follow the SD best practices to avoid both.
• Learn how to stay safe: 2nd-line (google voice) to start, fake names to start, make sure your pics aren't reverse-searchable to your real life, etc.
• Figure out what allowance/PPM usually is in your area, so you have an idea of where you stand vs other SDs
• Learn the other idiosyncrasies (e.g., how people will ghost at any time) and just accept that that will happen a lot -- it's not you, it's not your fault, as long as you do your homework.
• Learn when to take a conversation off SA and switch to texting -- certain conversations can get you banned from SA.
• Don't just learn this things in theory: be an amazing SD in practice, connect with her, care for her, and she'll be able to tell.
Like I said, the learning process is steep at first, but very well worth it. The common quote is that SBs outnumber SDs by ten to one; by being an obviously-solid SD, you will find lots and lots of women are interested, and a shocking number will be open to "I've never tried femdom but would love to try with you!" if you approach that part right!

Step 2: Learn how to introduce femdom to your potential SB (a potential SD or potential SB is a POT in sugar parlance; it is not insulting to use that term)

In many ways, the way you approach an SB for femdom will be more like the way you approach a woman on Tinder, than the way you approach a pro domme or escort for femdom play. There's a bit of a balancing act here: be too forward too quickly, and you will literally scare everyone away, even the women who identify as dommes! But it's also unfair to message her for days, get to the point you're finally going to meet, and then drop it on her after she's spent all the time talking with you.
My suggestion is:
• In your profile, mention femdom in a subtle way. Nothing more than "femdom friendly", buried in the middle of an otherwise vanilla profile, is all that's needed. The women who identify as dominant, and a few of the more-observant SBs will notice it and ask you about it -- and now you have consent to discuss it. Many of the SBs will ignore it (for now), but at least it's something you've mentioned.
• After you start messaging with your POT, somewhere in the first few messages, it's typical that you'll have an exchange of "what's my ideal arrangement" (you will have spent some time hand-crafting this, as per the previous section, it is the hook the gets SBs interested). You will -- again, subtly -- mention femdom in this. Example: "I'd like an arrangement where we meet 3-4 times a month, for great culinary adventures, and loads of laughs. Real chemistry is important to me, and I hope it is for you too! We should both look forward to seeing each other. Ideally, our dates will feature an allowance, great times, mentorship, fun conversations, and a little fun femdom . I'm open to travel and vacations if that's in the cards, but not required."
• I just made that example up, but if you write a good one, you'll get back a lot of "That's awesome, I want that too!" and now you're off to the races. This is exactly where I bring femdom to her attention for the first time. Sometimes, she'll notice the "a little fun femdom" and bring it up herself. But if she continues to ignore it, this is where I say, "Awesome, we're on the same page! Just to make sure you didn't miss it, I am looking to explore some fun femdom dynamics, that's okay with you?" And this is where she'll either ghost me, or a shocking number of times, tell me she's open to hear more. I will often put this on the backburner as I continue to ensure we are compatible and have some chemistry; she very much appreciates that it's chemistry first, femdom & sex second.
• IME, if you want to catch an SB's interest, your best approach in discussing femdom is to lead with service and pampering. Getting treated like a princess seems to be a near-universal desire among SBs, and of all the ways I've approached femdom discussion, this opens their minds and imagination so much better than anything else, that it's the only way I do it now. Yes, you will eventually get to the CBT or chastity or strap-on discussion you're dreaming about, but if you're lucky enough to be a service-oriented sub, your service is relevant to her interests, as they say The other thing that catches many SBs' attention: if you are open to either no sex, or a lower level of sex, this catches many SBs' interest -- sexual intercourse of part of the vast majority of arrangements, but as you'd imagine many women are very happy with a lower level of intimacy. Once we start discussing intimacy, I always tell the SB that there's some sexual activities that I'm looking for, but most (such as intercourse) will be under her control and at her discretion.

In short, within the space of exchange about 5 messages each, without discussing any details whatsoever, I get her to acknowledge that I'm looking for femdom. This is her cue to exit stage left if she's totally uninterested. But a lot of the time, I get interest. This interest is more often than not, from SBs who don't identify as dominant and may never have engaged in femdom before (other than the occasional naughty spanking with a boyfriend, or whatever). Her willingness to engage with me is that I've otherwise presented myself, and behaved like, a high quality, desirable SD. From my profile to our messaging interactions, she feels appreciated, respected, she knows I understand sugar (it's why I specifically mention I offer an allowance), and I've spent a little time making sure we're compatible as SD & SB, before I take her up on her offer to discuss femdom more.
Once I find the right SB, I find her enthusiasm and our chemistry more than makes up for her lack of experience -- I'm happy to teach her and guide her on how to discover her inner tiger, it's a fun journey for us to go on together, and I emphasize the truth that I feel like it's an honor that she's chosen to trust me to be the one she does this with. It truly feels different than being with a prodomme or a lifestyle partner -- not better or worse, different, in a way that can be fantastic.

Very cool. Thank you for posting. I don't have as much experience in this as you but i have been in a 2.5 year Sugar/femdom relationship. I lucked out when i found out She did both. Our BDSM interest and personalities align so it has led to some life changing experiences for both of us.

The key for me has been to treat it like a real relationship and it makes the domination all the more special. Its 90% vanilla 10% femdom but it works

I completely vibe with the "life changing experiences for both of us". I celebrate all sorts of femdom relationships, romantic, pro domme, etc., but my sugar femdom relationships have definitely led to some life changing experiences. I have had a couple that led to 24/7 FLR type relationships -- still sugar, but the femdom dynamic was what really defined it. I could write another entire post on it!

It is generous of you and awesome to share so much and give so much good advise. Since you are talking about thinking out of the box and dealing with big numbers I have a suggestion for increasing the odds.

Many realities start from numbers. The main reason subs are at a disadvantage is that there are so few dominant women compared to them. The reason you found a more fertile ground is that by thinking creatively you found an environment where SBs outnumber SDs.

One other way to expand the field and turn the tables is to think internationally. While at home men are seen as inferior, unfashionable, barely tolerated in most of the world American men are very well regarded, looked for and desired, especially in most of Asia, where frankly they just compare well not only in resources but in the way they treat women.

If you can afford the time for a fraction of the money you mention you could spend months or a year in Thailand where let's say that the number of opportunities would be overwhelming and where I think the concept of girlfriend experience was created. This is just one example.

I’ve been on SA for a couple years and all of this advice is spot on. Leading with any kink/fetish doesn’t work but with the right SB it can definitely be introduced once you build some trust. For me personally it’s been really interesting to bring my fetish into an ongoing relationship as I’ve only experienced it prior with pro Dommes.

SA is full of scammers and rinsers though and it’s very easy to get taken advantage of. You almost have to accept that you’re going to waste a fair amount of money in your search sorting through it all. But in my experience it was ultimately worth it. I’ve been with my current SB for 7 months and really enjoy having an ongoing relationship where my fetish is out in the open and part of the relationship.

On Seeking Arrangement, are scammers sugar-daddy/sugar-momma or sugar-baby?

Good to see someone else enjoying sugar for femdom. Very rare to run into someone on a femdom forum who knows about SA. But the girls say that we're out there.

Congrats on 7 months!

Both SDs and SBs face a lot of scammers. The risks and consequences for SBs are far worse, but SDs face scammers as well. I could write another page on how to avoid scammers! But frankly, I could give you four or five tips, and if you couple that with good common sense, you'll save yourself a LOT of headache and wasted money

Right. SBs drastically outnumber SDs, and there's a high economic bar to become an SD, so it's not like the number is going to increase. SBs, like most women, are more likely to be submissive or neutral, but as I said, approach them the right way and many open up to the idea of trying femdom

The other key thing here is being novice friendly. Many of the SBs I've interacted with were complete novices. I enjoy that journey of being their first and their guide, but many experienced subs might not

Just a quick shoutout for this spot on post. I have been using this advice almost word for word to find my next femdom girlfriend and have been having a lot of success. Im pleasantly surprised at how many women are open to it.

The only change i made from the info below is to pay for an initial meet. Its not expected. But is appreciated and i can afford it.

Its been a cool way to have multiple dates and have some kink experiences.

If anyone is thinking of going this route i would highly encourage it. Just dont creep it up and ruin a great thing. Be respectul and kind and willing to spend some money. treat it like a dating and i think you will enjoy the results.

As you may expect total costs are a little higher than a session but you get what you pay for and it has led to a lot of fun that goes well beyond just sessions.